Friday, December 30, 2011

Woman Arrested for Grabbing Testicle, Not Letting Go

When a Florida woman couldn’t find her missing ring, she apparently went nuts. As in, she grabbed her husband’s testicle and refused to let go. For two. Agonizingly. Long. Minutes.

Maryann Scott, 49, of Vero Beach, was arrested after her acutely-injured husband called 911, WTVJ-TV reports. She was released from jail a day later.

It seems Scott and her husband were having marital problems. Her husband told police he was lying on a couch when his wife confronted him about a missing ring — a gift from him valued at $15,000.

Scott became quite enraged when her husband refused to say where he’d hidden the ring, WTVJ reports. At first Scott grabbed a knife from the kitchen and threatened to kill her husband, the police report states. Then she decided to get a bit more personal.

Thursday, December 29, 2011

Math teacher in trouble… 29 + 17 = Not Cool

Kimberly Bynum, 29-years-old former math teacher at the Vina High School, Franklin County, Alabama, has been indicted for having sexual relationship with a teen male student.

Bynum, of Russellville, was indicted for being a school employee engaged in sex with a student under 19 years old. She was arrested June 16 by the Franklin County Sheriff’s Office and accused of having a sexual relationship with a 17-year-old Vina student. The investigation started after rumors about the relationship surfaced and sheriff’s investigators and the district attorney’s office were notified. Investigators said they talked to the boy and he admitted they had an affair.

After hearing from the teen, investigators contacted Bynum, who voluntarily came to the sheriff’s department. During questioning, Bynum reportedly admitted to the relationship.

The charge is a Class B felony with a possible sentence of two to 20 years.

Tuesday, December 27, 2011

Sexting not cool

Lori David, 38-year-old woman from Texas, got probation, texting and Internet ban after she admitted to sending lewd pictures of her breasts and vagina to a 16-year-old boy, her son’s friend.

Lori David, pleaded guilty last week to online solicitation of a minor and was sentenced to five years probation. She will have to register as a sex offender for 15 years, pay a $500 fine, and can only use the internet for work while on probation. The victim, who was also a classmate of David’s son, met the woman when she volunteered at his high school. David was also a jogging partner of the mother of the teen victim The two became Facebook friends and reportedly began communicating via text and online. The conversations were often sexual. According to court documents, David sent the teen two photos of herself completely nude on October 14, 2010.
While on probation, the judge said David, mother of two, can have a cell phone but can only text family members and other adults. The judge further told David that she could not attend any of her son’s school functions save his graduation from Katy Taylor High School.

Monday, December 26, 2011

Personal fitness training at home of a different kind

Sunni Faith Anderson, 36-year-old woman also known as Suni Andersen, from St. George, Utah, pleaded guilty to two counts of forcible sex abuse of a minor, charges stemming from sex acts she performed on a 14-yar-old boy.

Anderson, a personal trainer by profession, began a 2 years long sexual relationship with a then 14-year-old boy when he began to go to her home for personal fitness training sessions. Accrding to her neighbors, Andersen is a semi-pro boxer.

As part of plea agreement, five counts of forcible sodomy and three additional counts of forcible sexual abuse were dismissed.

Andersen was arrested after officers and the victim conducted a phone call with Andersen in which she told the victim she knew the relationship was wrong but that she was in love with him, according to court documents.

Saturday, December 24, 2011

Bible study woman can be sexy

Heather Daughdrill, 28-year-old Bible school teacher from Calcasieu Parish, Louisiana , has been arrested and accused of inappropriate sexual contact with a 13-year-old boy.

Daughdrill, was allegedly having sexual relationship with a 13 year old boy between June and October. Daughdrill was working as a teacher/aide at a Summer Bible school camp the boy had attended. Female teacher and male student allegedly performed sex acts on each other on multiple occasions. Daughdrill would engage in inappropriate sexual contact with the boy after picking him up from school without the parents’ knowledge. Detectives also discovered several explicit text messages between Daughdrill and the 13 year old boy.

Friday, December 23, 2011

Family love

Amanda Billiris, 23-year-old woman from Spring, Texas, has been accused of engaging in sex with her 15-year-old nephew. She was arrested after relatives caught in the act by relatives on Thanksgiving Day.

Miss Brillis has been charged with sexual assault of a child, a second-degree felony. Police arrested her after relatives said they witnessed her having sexual intercourse with her brother’s son, the arrest report states. According to the Texas Penal Code, if convicted, she faces between two to 20 years in prison.

Billaris has been released on bond from the Montgomery County Jail.

Wednesday, September 21, 2011

Wild soccer mom

A 'soccer mom' who screened a pornographic movie for her son and two of his 14-year-old friends has been arrested.

Susan Hammond, who describes herself on Facebook as a 'wild hot soccer mom', is also alleged to have plied the teens with alcohol during the screening of the adult movie. Police said she sent one of the teens sexually  explicit messages, including one about a sex act she would like to perform.

Susan Hammond was arrested after allegedly giving shots to and screening porn for three boys, 14, one of whom was her son. She reportedly sent a lewd message to one of the friends afterwards
Hammond, 47, from Lexington, South Carolina, was arrested after the mother of one of the teens tipped off police about the porn show.
Police believe that other illegal activity could have taken place between Hammond and one of the teens.

I think a lot more probably happened based on the information we have but we've just not been able to gather sufficient evidence to bring additional charges,' said Lexington County Sheriff James Metts.

She allegedly screened The Wedding featuring porn star Poppy Morgan. Hammond allowed the teens to watch a film at her home on August 13th after retrieving the X-rated movie from her bedroom.
The three boys were all friends from playing on the local soccer team with Hammond an enthusiastic supporter. 'The movie was from start to finish, scenes of people having sex,' reads the arrest report. The DVD was seized as evidence from her home.

Hammond also provided alcohol shots for the teens as they watched the adult film.
After being arrested she confessed to putting on the porn film and supplying alcohol to minors. Hammond was charged with disseminating obscene material to minors-- was released from custody after posting $10,000 bond.

People in the community describe Russell as a soccer mom. 'I feel like people need to understand, that just because they know somebody on the soccer field, it doesn't mean they know who they are,' said a parent who did not want to be identified. 'She was the soccer mom, somebody we all thought we knew and could trust,' she said.

According to the parent, the soccer team is still practicing together, and many of the boys are embarrassed about the situation.


Tuesday, September 20, 2011

I want a religion professor like her

A religious education teacher sent explicit text messages to a 14-year-old pupil leaving him in ‘no doubt of what she would like to do or what she wanted him to do to her’.

Kathryn Roach, 24, targeted the boy after he and some other pupils got hold of her mobile phone and punched their numbers into it. Roach then sent a series of sexual texts to one pupil saying they should meet and describing what she would like to do to him, a court heard.

Last night her career lay in tatters after she admitted sending the lewd messages to a pupil at the school where she worked. And a judge warned the newly-qualified teacher that, because of the seriousness of her crime, she could face a prison sentence.

Police arrested Roach – who appeared at Bolton Crown Court yesterday – after they were made aware of the catalogue of texts and she was immediately suspended from the school. Although she never met the pupil outside the school, they had exchanged a ‘substantial number’ of messages, which the court heard had become increasingly sexual in their nature.

David Clarke, prosecuting, said the case was about the abuse of a position of trust and the nature of the messages exchanged.
He said: ‘Sexual activity didn’t take place. The extent it would have gone to is hard to tell.’
Mary McKeone, defending, said: ‘She accepts that by sending a number of text messages sexual in their nature she incited the complainant – a child – to engage in sexual activity.’

Judge Stephen Everett said: ‘She was the boy’s teacher and had sent him a substantial number of texts which, at least in part, became more sexual in nature. ‘She is a teacher in a position of trust being in contact, in this way, with a pupil.’ He told Roach: ‘You must now go and sign the sex offenders register. I have no thoughts as to what sentence is appropriate be it custodial or non-custodial. All sentence options are open and you must prepare yourself for that.’

At a previous hearing magistrates heard Roach was a newly-qualified teacher. 'All sentence options are open': Roach appeared at Bolton Crown Court yesterday. She was arrested after police were made aware of the catalogue of texts Ruth Atkinson, prosecuting, said: ‘This lady, a newly-qualified teacher, taught RE three times a week having involvement with the victim during teaching.

‘There was a time when the boys got hold of her mobile phone and put their phone numbers into it.
‘Then she took it upon herself to target this one male, sending inappropriate text messages. The messages were completely inappropriate, of a sexual nature leaving no doubt what she would like to do or what she wanted him to do to her.’

The school, which cannot be identified for legal reasons, is a Roman Catholic high school with more than 1,000 pupils, considered good and ‘improving’ by Ofsted. Roach, of Croxteth, Liverpool, who has no previous convictions, yesterday appeared in the dock pleading guilty to inciting a child to engage in sexual activity between March 22 and April 14 last year.


Monday, September 19, 2011


One of the myths of child exploitation is that the abusers are always men and never women.

Angie J, her hands in shackles and wearing a khaki "Niagara County Jail" jumpsuit, stood before a federal judge Thursday, proof that women also can fall into the dark, sad world of child pornography.

Angie, a 35-year-old Michigan woman, was sentenced to seven years in prison and is believed to be the first woman found guilty in Western New York of using the Internet to travel across state lines and entice an underaged person into sexual activity.

The mother of five -- she has a son the same age as the victim -- also admitted traveling here in June 2010 and having sex with the 16-year-old youth while parked in a rental car in an Amherst park.

"We will live with this tragedy for the rest of our lives," the youth's father said in a statement to U.S. District Judge William M. Skretny.

Angie and four of her family members, including a young son and daughter, looked on as the father -- The Buffalo News is not identifying him or his son -- recounted the anger, depression and sadness still plaguing his family. "Never in a million years would we imagine that something like this would happen to our son and our family," he told the judge.

Angie's sentencing ends a tale that began when she and the victim, who was 15 at the time, met in October 2009 through an online video game, "World of Warcraft." Through online chats, emails and telephone calls, the two developed a relationship that eventually became more and more sexual. According to the courts she drove from Michigan to an Amherst department store parking lot where she had sex with the boy in the back of a car.

A few months after her sexual rendezvous with the youth, Jenkins was arrested at her home in Lowell, Mich., just outside Grand Rapids. Authorities also seized her computer and found graphic images sent from the youth at her request. She eventually pleaded guilty to receiving child pornography.

"I wish I could take it all back," Angie told Skretny. "I cry every day, and I don't wake up any morning without having a nightmare about what happened." At several points during her sentencing, Angie, who was sobbing, turned to her family and smiled. Toward the end, she looked at her young son, also in tears, and mouthed, "I love you."

During a plea for leniency, Angieand her lawyer, Assistant Public Defender Kimberly A. Schechter, referred to her long history of being abused, by her stepfather and cousin to one of her two former husbands.

Schechter also suggested that while Angie's actions were illegal, she was motivated, not by a desire for sex, but by her love for the youth. "She really felt that, and that's what's driving this whole thing," she said. "She was looking for stability." The federal prosecutor didn't buy any of it.

"She's trying to spin a web of a story about her life that just isn't true," Assistant U.S. Attorney Aaron J. Mango told Skretny. He pointed out that Angies emails to the youth confirm she knew he was under-aged. He also accused her of trying to manipulate the youth by threatening suicide when he broke off the relationship last year. "She ruined this victim," he said. "And she knew what she was doing was illegal."

Sunday, September 18, 2011

Up in the air

'Drunken': Katherine Goldberg ‘demanded sex from a male steward'. Goldberg was flying from South Africa to Heathrow in August when she is said to have drunkenly grabbed the crew member’s penis, Uxbridge magistrates heard.

Prosecutor Stella Waata described how Miss Goldberg had 'sexually assaulted one of the crew members by demanding to have sex with him and grabbing his crotch area'.
'She was believed to have drunk at least 50 centilitres of whisky,' she added.

The 25-year-old from Ealing Common, west London, is charged with one count of sexual assault on a male and another of being drunk in an aircraft.

Wearing a white shirt and light pink trousers and appearing tearful in the dock, the education worker spoke only to confirm her name, address and date of birth.

Goldberg was granted unconditional bail until she appears at the same court on September 22.


Saturday, September 17, 2011

Baby Sitter love details revealed

Babysitter's seduction: Loni B is accused of having a sexual relationship with a 14-year-old boy who she was hired to look after
She knew her trysts with the boy she was hired to babysit were illegal, but said the law can’t decide who she fell in love with.

Journals of Loni B, 20, who was arrested July 12 after the boy’s mom discovered the affair, are revealing more about the relationship.

In the books, seized by cops after her arrest, Miss B writes about the 'amazing' sex she had with the boy and professed her love for him.

She wrote that their age difference shouldn’t matter, and that she has finally found 'the guy who treats me right.'

She wrote: 'I don't care about the law. I just want to be with him and not have to hide it.'
She added: 'How can the law tell us who to fall for, who to like and who to love and especially who to date? I thought America was a free country.'
Miss B, of Clinton, Connecticut, was taken into custody after his mother found an exchange of messages on the boy’s Facebook page.
She reportedly sent the boy's parents text messages after they found out about the affair, asking if they could 'work this out.'

She also allegedly told them they 'don't need to call the police' and 'let's act like adults.'
The boy's parents filed a restraining order against Miss B in May.
Around that time, she wrote in her journal: ‘His mom absolutely HATES me because of the situation and I understand why, but she's being immature about it.’

She also wrote that she was cutting herself and used a bracelet the boy gave her to cover the scratches.
In a separate notebook seized from her home, police found letters written to the boy, where Miss B said she was upset his parents had filed the restraining order, and missed waking up next to him.
B, who has been freed from jail after posting $1,000 bond, faces charges of second-degree sexual assault, purchasing alcohol for a minor and two counts of risk of injury to a minor.
She also told police she was involved with another underage boy from the same town, the Hartford Courant reported.

Miss B is due back in court on October 3. The woman’s mother, Kimmy B, was also jailed last month and charged with providing marijuana and alcohol to the boy.

Read more:

Friday, September 16, 2011

Saturday, August 6, 2011

Babysitter Love

A 20-year-old baby sitter from Clinton, already facing charges for allegedly sexually assaulting a 14-year-old boy in that town, now faces similar charges in Southington.

Loni Bouchard, of 133 West Main St., turned herself in to Southington police on July 29, said Sgt. Lowell DePalma. She is charged with second-degree sexual assault and risk of injury to a minor for allegedly assaulting a 14-year-old boy there who is known to her.

Police in Southington were contacted by Clinton authorities on June 30, and a warrant was issued for Bouchard's arrest. Police say she had a sexual relationship with a 14-year-old boy she was hired to baby-sit.

The 20-year-old babysitter is said to have given the teenager alcohol before having intercourse with him. She is now facing charges of sexual assault, after the boy's family found out about the alleged act.

Bouchard had been hired to act as a babysitter for the boy, but the relationship allegedly evolved into a sexual affair that lasted some six months, at which point his mother learned of the romance and reported the matter, police said.

Friday, August 5, 2011

Dating thru XBOX

A California woman was sentenced to serve 12 years in prison for the rape of a 13-year-oldBel Air boy she met while playing a game on X-Box Live.

Rachel Ann Hicks, 37, of the 21000 block of Osterman Road in Lake Forest, Calif., was indicted in March on two counts of second-degree rape and one count each of second-degree sex offense and second-degree assault.

Hicks pleaded guilty June 2 to a single count of second-degree rape.

Harford County Circuit Court Judge William O Carr sentenced Hicks Wednesday to the maximum of 20 years before suspending eight years of that sentence. She will serve 12 years in the Maryland Division of Corrections and serve five years of supervised probation upon release. As conditions of her probation, she is ordered to have no contact with the boy or his family and to have no unsupervised contact with anyone younger than 18, according to a release from the Harford County State's Attorney's Office.

She is also ordered to undergo sexual offender treatment and register as a sex offender for the rest of her life.

"We have an obligation to protect our boys from on-line solicitation and on-line predators in the same way we protect our girls," Prosecutor Diane Adkins Tobin said at sentencing, according to the release.

The boy's father said during a victim impact statement that his son was manipulated into trusting Hicks and she took advantage of him, physically and mentally abused him, and devastated the family by sneaking into their home while the family slept and sexually abusing their child, according to the release.

Hicks and the boy met while playing X-Box Live in September 2010.

The two of them discussed his age and activities in the seventh grade, then the relationship progressed to telephone conversations and text messages. During these conversations, she told the boy she was 23 years old.

For the Thanksgiving holiday, Hicks drove from California to Florida to visit relatives and on her way back, stopped at the boy's home in Maryland during the early hours of Nov. 27, 2010 to visit him.

That night, while the family was asleep, the boy let her into the home and the two went to his room, played video games and engaged in sexual acts, including intercourse.

The boy's father found the text messages on the boy's phone and took the case to the Harford County Child Advocacy Center. Hicks later admitted to the boy's father over the phone that she met the boy through the game and engaged in sexual relations with the boy.

source :,0,7842041.story

Thursday, August 4, 2011

Vodka is dangerous

An Oakmont woman whose brother is accused of killing a man she brought home from a bar will face a preliminary hearing next week on charges she raped a friend's son.
Allegheny County police charged Nattale Turner, 34, with rape, involuntary deviate sexual intercourse, furnishing alcohol to minors and other crimes. 
According to the criminal complaint, Nattale Turner gave the 14-year-old boy a cocktail of orange juice and vodka in April. The boy said he and Turner were drunk when they allegedly engaged in sex acts. A 14-year-old told police he began drinking with Turner one night during spring break in April while his father was out of town, according to a complaint filed against Turner. 
The victim said he had about five vodka drinks when Turner began kissing him and touching him inappropriately, the complaint said. Turner told the victim she was too drunk to walk and asked for help getting up the stairs, the complaint said.
Once upstairs in her room, Turner removed her clothes and raped the victim, the complaint said. The victim told police, "I just let it happen," according to the complaint.
The next morning, the victim said he threw up for hours and eventually told Turner what happened, the complaint said. She said, "I'm so sorry. I'm a child molester now," the complaint said.
A preliminary hearing was continued on Monday because the victim was not available. The hearing is scheduled for Aug. 1.
County police in February charged Turner's brother, Vito Pelino, with killing and dismembering William King, 23, of Penn Hills. Police said Pelino picked up King from Turner's apartment after King and Turner left a bar together.
Pelino took King to Pelino's mother's home in Verona and killed him, police said.


and at the bottom of the food chain for romance - just because they're over 45 - Daily Mail

When it comes to romance, we all like a happy ending — which is what makes a new blog by an older, single woman such a heart-wrenching read.

The woman, who is divorced but says she would love to be married again, describes herself as being ‘on the wrong side of 45 with a brace of kids’ and bewails her place in ‘relationship no-man’s land’, condemned to be alone for the rest of her days.

She writes under the name ‘The  Plankton’, explaining that, like the plankton in the ocean, she is barely visible and ‘at the bottom of the food chain for love and relationships’.

Growing problem: Many over-45s describe themselves as 'invisible' to the opposite sex

Her outpourings, which convey with unflinching honesty the huge difficulties older women can face finding a man, have caused quite a stir on women’s internet chat forums. They have certainly proved a talking point among my single women friends.

‘I almost wept when I read her blog about going to a wonderful party hoping to meet someone,’ my friend Ruthie explained. ‘I have felt like that so often. You know you are being unrealistic and that it won’t happen — yet when it doesn’t, you can’t help being disappointed.’

Ruthie is 47 and one of the most attractive women — of any age — that I know. Never married, she has a son James, now 13, by a man she parted from before her son was born. Ruthie has been looking for a boyfriend for the past decade. 

Ruthie thought that she would have lots of boyfriends when she got older - just as she did in her younger years - but found this was not the case

‘I always had boyfriends when I was younger and assumed I would again after James was born,’ she says. ‘When he  was three, I started chatting online. These chats were fun — and sometimes quite flirty — but if I ever suggested  we meet, the men would often back  off, saying they were not looking for a relationship.’

A dozen or so dates followed over the years, none of them quite right. When she last registered with an online dating site she was 44 — and few men made contact. ‘Forty is a huge cut-off point for a lot of men,’ Ruthie explains. ‘There was just one I met and we had a fantastic evening. I was surprised afterwards when he didn’t get in touch.

‘Six months later, he did contact me. It turned out he’d seen some other women when he saw me and gone on to have brief relationships with them. When those relationships failed, he came back to me and I just felt, “He’ll be off again”, so I didn’t pursue it.’

Divorce in England and Wales in the 45- plus age group rose by more than 30 per cent between 1997 and 2007

For people like me — I’ve been married and out of the dating game for nearly 20 years — the idea that there are vast numbers of single women, but no single men, seems nonsensical. Official statistics reveal that among those aged 45 to 64 there are equal numbers of men and women living alone, it is only in the 65 and over age group that the lone women outnumber men — and that’s easily explained by the fact that men die younger. So what’s going wrong?

The imbalance, it seems, is because middle-aged men are  looking for partners who are far younger than them. ‘A man can pick from a wider pool of women — his age and under, by several decades,’ The Plankton writes. ‘I have a friend in her late 30s who lives with, and has children by, a man in his mid-60s. He is paunchy with grey chest hair and not especially rich. He plucked her from a surfeit of willing women, watching him like vultures before my friend “got” him.’

This may be the case in some  circles, but is it generally true? Sadly, yes, according to Dr Bernie Hogan, a research fellow at Oxford University. He pointed me towards a research website called OkTrends, which draws on data supplied by more than a million members of OkCupid, one of the biggest dating websites in the world. In a report entitled The Case For An Older Woman, it states that 45-year-olds have a much harder time finding romance because ‘the male fixation on youth distorts the dating pool’. 

Age game: Research has shown that middle-aged men are looking for partners who are far younger than them, examples include Michael Douglas, 66 and his wife Catherine Zeta Jones, 41

The typical 42-year-old man will accept a woman up to 15 years younger, but no more than three years older — and the women he enters into online conversation with are almost always at the younger end of the spectrum. The typical woman, by contrast, states she’d like to meet a man a few years older or younger than herself — and these are the men she contacts.

These attitudes explain why many over-45s — including The Plankton — describe themselves as ‘invisible’ to the opposite sex. Charlotte Phipps is divorced and lives in Newmarket, Suffolk. Aged 53, she works as  a secretary. ‘The hardest time for me is when I come home from work  at six o’clock,’  she says.

‘My two terriers run barking to greet me, but apart from them, there  is silence. I own a lovely two- bedroomed cottage with a beautiful garden, which I enjoy, but night after night I sit  on my own watching TV. It is incredibly boring and I am lonely. Whenever I go out, men do not tend to look at me. I’ve lost a lot of confidence.’

The opportunities to meet other single people tend to peter out as we move from youth to middle age, according to Bernie Hogan. ‘Over 40, most of the people you meet socially will already be in a relationship,’ he points out. Which is why online is increasingly regarded as the place where over-40s will have the greatest chance of success.

After scores of dodgy dates, Charlotte Cory, found Kevin Parrott although they seemed to have little in common

Bernie Hogan’s department, the Oxford Internet Institute, surveyed 25,000 couples in 19 countries — including the UK — who had been living together for over a year. Of those who had got together within the past 15 years and were aged 40 or over when they met, four out of ten had met online.

But online dating has its own set of rules — and sometimes  brutal behaviour. Sarah Browne is 46 and works in communications for a skincare company. She lives in a large Edwardian balcony flat in Brighton. Sarah has no children and has never married.

‘I keep trying to date men over the internet, but it is often hopeless,’ she says. ‘I can’t count the times a guy has seemed really keen to arrange a date, and then, with sometimes only five minutes to go, I get a text saying sorry, he  can’t make it. I’ve been told they cry off as they have met someone more suitable.’

Yet it’s not always doom and gloom. Charlotte Cory, a writer and artist, left her husband after 20 years and, at the age of 50, started surfing for love online. ‘There are still some very nice men out there, looking to share their lives with women their own age,’ Cory insists.

Some older women may be missing out on the chance of finding love, she thinks, because, bruised and rejected in earlier relationships, they lack the confidence and persistence to keep dating until they find  a match. Lots of people are self- punishing,’ she told me. ‘They go out with a few people and say, “It doesn’t work”, but I have met so many people who have done as I did — and are  blissfully happy.’

After scores of dodgy dates, Cory found Kevin Parrott: ‘On our first meeting, he handed me his card,’ she recalls. ‘I read  “Professor Parrott” and nearly  fell off my chair laughing. I said, “If I marry you, I’m going to have to change my name to Polly.”’ When they did marry, two years later, she signed herself ‘Polly’ in the register.

Older women may also be scuppering their chances by being too picky. In Cory’s case, she had low expectations of her initial meeting with Kevin because they seemed to have little in common: Kevin is a maths professor,  while Cory only scraped maths  O-level — and he’d listed ballroom dancing among his interests.

Many studies suggest men who become single after years of  marriage are quick to find a new mate, while women are more cautious

However, there can be a more subtle reason why many women who say they’d love to find a man remain single. ‘Some just don’t want to make the compromises that having a man can mean,’ says Dr Maye Taylor, a counsellor and life coach.

‘Many studies suggest men who become single after years of  marriage are quick to find a new mate, while women are more cautious. For some, it amounts to a positive decision to remain single.’

I contacted The Plankton and she said the huge response to her lament proves there are many older women who feel just as she does. ‘I have had so many comments saying that finally someone has come out and said the unsayable, the self-same thoughts they’ve had for so long, but never voiced to a soul in the world,’ she told me.

‘Perhaps the most moving of all was the one who said she was going to have to unsubscribe to my blog, not because she didn’t agree with it, but because it  said everything she had ever thought and reduced her to tears every day and she couldn’t cry  any more!’

So behind this deep sense of loss and disappointment lie many  reasons why older women miss out — male attitudes, the dearth of social opportunities, the emotional investment needed to date successfully online.

And many, perhaps even The Plankton herself, would simply rather be alone than with the wrong man. So, no matter how much we might all wish it, when it comes to affairs of the heart, for the older single woman, there just isn’t a happy ending every time.


GenJuice CEO On What Makes Women Better Entrepreneurs Than Men - Huffington Post

GenJuice CEO Arielle Patrice Scott decided at an early age that she wanted to be the next Mark Zuckerberg.

Like Facebook CEO Zuckerberg, Scott co-founded her first company, InternshipIn, while in college. Unlike Zuckerberg's startup, however, Scott's venture didn't grow into a multibillion-dollar behemoth -- by her own admission, it failed -- and unlike the famous Harvard dropout, Scott graduated from the University of California, Berkeley, last year.

The other key difference: while Zuckerberg, like so many Web startup CEOs, is a white man, Scott is an African-American woman, part of a still-underrepresented group in the tech industry. Last year, 21 percent of startups seeking angel investments were women-owned ventures, while minority-owned businesses made up just 6 percent of entrepreneurs seeking funding, according to the Center for Venture Research.

Yet Scott has not found her race or gender to be obstacles in her career as a tech entrepreneur. She sees women in tech as having certain characteristics that give them an advantage, and instead describes her lack of formal engineering training as her greatest handicap.

"What creates challenges is that I'm a business person, not an engineer," Scott explained. "I'm insecure about being a female entrepreneur who doesn't have an engineering degree, as opposed to a female entrepreneur, in general. As a woman, you do want to assert yourself as capable, and being as technical as possible allows you to feel the most confident."

Scott says her year-old company, GenJuice, which grew out of her senior thesis, aspires to be the "next MTV," a platform for up-and-coming 20-something writers, artists and tastemakers to "discover and be discovered." GenJuice aims to attract talented young bloggers with the promise that posting their work to GenJuice's site will allow them to grow their audiences and monetize their content.

"I grew up in a very poor neighborhood, raised by a single mother, and my love affair with tech began when I realized that it was a huge equalizer," said Scott of her inspiration. "There was so much access I could have, just from having access to an Internet connection."

In an exclusive interview for The Huffington Post's Women in Tech series, Scott shared her take on what it takes to be an entrepreneur, how to increase the number of African Americans in tech, and how to analyze failure.

There arguably still isn't a female Mark Zuckerberg or Bill Gates. Why not?
Women don't think big enough. I hate to overgeneralize, because I've met some incredible women lately, especially in Silicon Valley, but there's typically this sense of, "Let's just start off small and see where it goes." I think men tend to think in bigger terms, and women don't allow themselves to.

What's the biggest challenge you've faced as an entrepreneur?
When you're building a startup, you have some idea of how to generate revenue and part of that is approaching Fortune 500 companies, which is scary and hard. Getting in the door is difficult, and then actually closing something is one of the hardest things you will do. Building a product is easy, tracking users is also easy, raising money is even easy; but walking in to that door of a Fortune 500 company as a 22-year-old is really intimidating.

Are there any skills that women have that make them better entrepreneurs than men?
Yes. I think women understand user experience a lot more. This could be overgeneralizing women way too much, and there are a lot of people on both sides, but I do see it.

I think women just understand how to build great products that solve real problems, whereas I do think that a lot of my male counterparts think about the tech more. They think, "This is really cool," or "This is really fast." A lot of women entrepreneurs can solve problems because they understand the feelings and needs of a user more so than men.

Are there challenges that women face in tech that men don't?
I don't pay attention to any of it. I forget that I look different or am different than anyone else who goes to the investor meetings I go to. If women in tech have any more problems than men do in this industry, as a 20-something just getting started, I'm not noticing it because I don't care. I'm going to do this anyway.

I think people judge the fact that I'm young; or that I'm a business person, not an engineer; or that I'm African-American and not Asian.

Are there unique challenges that African-American entrepreneurs face?
No. Sometimes it's helpful: because there are so few of us out there, there's a stronger sense of a community. As a woman, I've had a lot of resources through things like Women 2.0 or this interview. Sometimes I feel like we're in a stronger position because we have more resources.

Why do you think there aren't more African Americans in tech?
There's not enough of a focus on tech or computer science within black communities, both in school and in general. I have friends who are really smart, and they decide to go into civil engineering or mechanical engineering, and then they go work for big companies. There needs to be more emphasis placed on computer science and electrical engineering in schools that attract African Americans.

SOUND BYTES: Arielle Patrice Scott on...

Her indispensable gadget: Her iPhone

Her favorite app: NYCmate (Her favorite Web app: Hype Machine)

Her favorite Twitter account: GenJuice co-founder Danielle Leslie (@DanielleLeslie)

Her "required reading" recommendation: Dale Carnegie, How To Win Friends And Influence People

What's the most important thing we could do to increase the number of African Americans in tech?
We need to de-emphasize the traditional way of teaching that's in schools now. We should have a focus on incubator programs, where you go in and you have a project and something you actually need to build. If there were incubator programs within schools today, and a focus on building products, people would understand what goes into those products and what it means to be an entrepreneur. You can't learn how to be an entrepreneur from a book, you can only learn from doing it.

What's the most important thing we can do to increase the number of women in tech?
I think there needs to be a huge campaign around the sexiness of this lifestyle. I'm having the time of my life. My co-founders and I are loving life right now. It's stressful as s--t, but it's also so much fun because you get to see your work. You get to talk and meet some of the most interesting people ever.

I think more women and people of color would be interested in this type of work if we could do away with the current idea of what a "geek" is. The concept of a Web entrepreneur should not be three white men with glasses sitting in a garage 12 hours a day staring at a computer screen. Being an entrepreneur is fun, and if people saw how sexy it is, then they would get into it. I don't want to take away from the fact that it's hard, but sitting in a room with your co-founders pulling all-nighters is fun.

What's the essential quality you need to have to be an entrepreneur?
You need the ability to not accept failure, but to accept the pivot. It's more than likely that you're not going to get it right the first time, so it's important to be able to recognize where you failed and where you need to change the business.

There are way too many people who give up too soon or give up too late -- knowing when to quit is so important. We've failed so many times, but we also knew when that failure could turn into something else. An entrepreneur needs to know how to analyze a failure.

How do you do that? What information is needed to understand and analyze failure intelligently?
You need to track a variety of metrics, such as how long people stay on your site or how many sign-ups you get from different avenues, such as Facebook or Twitter. Tracking metrics helps you build the business using real data and establish better relationships with stakeholders.

Another way to get feedback is to put together eight or nine one-liners about your product before going to a networking event. You can try out different one-liners and see how people respond. Being able to communicate your story in one sentence is important because that's how people learn about your product.


View the original article here

Wednesday, August 3, 2011

Reverse Discrimination? You Betcha! (Revenge Is Sooo Sweet) - Montreal Gazette (blog)

This is a P.S. to the preceding post here:

Yes, the moral of that somewhat naughty post is “Revenge is sweet.”

How so?

Well, a lot of 50somethings and 60somethings would happily and discreetly bed transitioned women and various T-folks, but they wouldn’t have an open relationship with any of us because, as I mentioned, it would be the end of the world as we know it. Heaven forbid what their friends might think.

In my case, I would be happy to have a real partnership with a man in his 50s or 60s, understanding, of course, that he doesn’t have the sexual firepower of a YOUNGER man. No matter. The relationship would be about much more than shallow sex, right?

But since shallow sex is all some of these men want with me and others like me, no deal! Who needs them? If we just wanna have sex, we can get it from younger guys with more stamina and firepower.

So, yes, it is reverse discrimination. I’m discriminating against the guys who discriminate against me.

Does it feel good?

Well, yes, and no — because let’s face it, none of those older guys are reading this blog, and therefore don’t have a clue about any of this.

But older single women — the natal type and the transitioned type — who are fed up with shallow old farts might consider enjoying the offerings of some of the younger, albeit also shallow, guys. I mean, they have more stamina and all that — you know what I am talking about. Lordie, some of them are so sweet, too . . . But that’s something to talk about another time.

Smiles again on this warm summer night.

Maybe I should have titled this post: In the Heat of the Night?




Tuesday, August 2, 2011

Will Cougar Town get a Name Change?

The ABC TV hit, Cougar Town, may still get a name change according to one of its stars -- Busy Phillips. Just what that name might be; however, no one seems to have a clue.

The ABC comedy has changed a bit since it began airing. That's when the emphasis was on an older woman -- a cougar -- chasing after a younger man. Some American women stayed away from the show in droves to protest the use of the term "cougar". Many still find it offensive. However, that isn't the reason spurring talks of a name change according to those in the know. The fact is that the term doesn't necessarily apply anymore.

Besides a name change, the show could also get a change in night and time. Cougar Town has been safely ensconced behind Modern Family. That allowed it some carry over from that hit show. However, it also skewed the ratings slightly. Cougar Town could never successfully live up to its lead-in. Some feel that by moving it to another night, the show can shine on its own. But are they right?

Granted the name change, if it happens, might convince those who haven't watched the show before to give it a try. However, it is doubtful that will be enough to make up for the lost carry over audience from Modern Family. Also, fans of Cougar Town could get confused trying to find the show under its new name, if there is one. It makes for a dilemma. All that's left is to hope that network execs know what they are doing with whatever decision they choose to make.


Monday, August 1, 2011

Dear Abby | Hateful old woman abuses her neighbors - Kansas City Star

He wants to be a dad
DEAR ABBY: I am a 34-year-old man. I have been divorced for a couple of years and have no children. I have been dating an incredible woman, “Nikki,” who is a bit older than I am. She has three children.
The elephant in the room has always been whether Nikki would want more children. We finally discussed it, and she confirmed that she does not. She said she’s looking forward to the next phase of her life as her kids get older, which I understand. That conversation has led to a break in our relationship. We haven’t spoken for the past two weeks, and it seems like two years.
I am struggling with what to do. I have always wanted to be a dad. Would being a stepdad be as fulfilling for me? Is being in a good relationship more important? Having kids doesn’t automatically make things great, right? Could I find someone as wonderful as Nikki, but who wants to have a kid?
Abby, I’m conflicted, and you’re the only one I could think of for advice. — Jumbled in New Hampshire

DEAR JUMBLED: Only you can decide whether being a stepfather to Nikki’s children would be enough for you. For some men, it would be. For others, it wouldn’t be enough. Of course, the primary relationship must be between the husband and wife. Children grow up, leave and establish lives of their own. And you’re right, having kids doesn’t “automatically” make things great if there is trouble in the relationship.
While there are no guarantees you will find someone as wonderful as Nikki, the odds are very good that you will meet a woman — or more than one — whose goals are similar to yours and who would love to have a family with you. But it won’t happen until you firmly decide exactly what you want.


Sunday, July 31, 2011

Website helps married people cheat - Fraser Coast Chronicle

Noel Biderman, pictured here with two sultry models, is the founder of AshleyMadison. THEY are married, they are unhappy and they are cheating – and they are right here on the Fraser Coast.

The controversial dating website for the unhappily married,, has more than 300,000 members in Australia alone. Not all of them are married, or even in relationships – but the founder of the website, Canadian Noel Biderman, does not shy away from the fact that married people are the website’s target audience.
Needless to say, the decision to target those already in relationships has caused plenty of controversy but Mr Biderman maintains he isn’t responsible for creating the demand – he is merely catering for a market that existed well before was causing outrage across the globe.

Coming up with the idea was simple. Mr Biderman, who is himself married, remembers reading an article which stated that around 30% of people on dating websites for single people were not single.
That statistic made him realise there was an untapped market of people looking to date who already had relationships.
While he says the advertising for is sometimes aggressive – including the slogan “Life is short – have an affair” – he says it is ridiculous to believe that people are so pliable that seeing that will convince them to join up if they already have a happy relationship.
“Affairs have been happening long before I came onto the scene,” he said.
“I do not convince people to have affairs.”

Saturday, July 30, 2011

Dominique Strauss-Kahn: another woman claims of affair -

In an interview with Switzerland's L'Illustre magazine, she told how she met DSK at a socialist party meeting in Sarcelles, near Paris, 14 years ago, and ended up in bed with him later the same day.

She said: "I was I was 23 and he was 47. I couldn't believe what had happened.

"He asked me for my number and we met later in a hotel bar in Paris. We both knew exactly what was going to happen.

"We carried on meeting in a lavish apartment in Paris that he said belonged to a friend.

"During this time, he was made a minister in the French government.

"The relationship was physically intense, but not violent. Is a man violent if he pushes you against a wall to kiss you?

"Sometimes he took me forcefully, but I considered our affair more passionate than violent, and besides, everything we did was consensual."

She revealed how nine months later Strauss-Kahn dumped her in the street after a furious row, adding: "He just got in taxi and left.

"I took the whole thing very badly. I was very hurt and took a load of pills. I don't remember that episode very clearly."

She also refused to confirm or deny claims by L'Illustre magazine that Strauss-Kahn had got her pregnant and that she had an abortion.

She said: "All I will say is that he didn't force me to do anything."

Marie-Victorine, who left Paris later the same year to work as a lawyer in Los Angeles, said she was 'stunned' to hear how he had been arrested for attempted rape on May 14.

She went on: "I couldn't believe it when I heard it on the news.

"He has a huge sexual appetite and can push things too far. But I don't think he meant to do that. I am sure too that he is personally convinced he's innocent."

Marie-Victorine said she had been interviewed by Ms Diallo's lawyer Kenneth Thompson, but told him she was not convinced Strauss-Kahn was guilty.

She added: "I'm also happy to meet the prosecutor if he calls me, but if anything I would be more likely to be called as a witness for the defence.

"If Dominique is guilty he should go to prison, but he will never admit it."

Asked what she would to say to him if she meets him again, Marie Victorine replied: "Be very careful over your choice of lovers, and if you cheat on your wife, don't get caught."

In New York, Strauss-Kahn's next court appearance has been adjourned for a second time until August 23, amid claims the hotel chambermaid is a prostitute who consented to sex.

He also faces separate charges in Paris from French writer Tristane Banon, 32, who claims he tried to rape her in a Paris flat eight years ago.

Ms Banon told how Strauss-Kahn acted like a 'rutting chimpanzee' during the alleged attack in 2003.

Incredibly, Ms banon's mother has also told French police how she had 'brutal but consensual' sex with DSK too - in his office at OECD international trade body in Paris.

Left-wing politician Anne Mansouret, 65, said the economist seduced her with the 'vulgarity of a squaddie' in the sordid sexual encounter ten years ago.

Strauss-Kahn, currently on bail in New York, denies both rafts of allegations against him in the US and France, and has launched legal action against Banon in Paris for defamation.

View the original article here

A Dating Paradigm Shift For Women In Their 30s - Jezebel

"This is so weird," my friend Nicole -– a successful 33 year-old entertainment executive — tells me. "Ever since I started dating, I went for older guys, sometimes much older. But now I'm head over heels for a 29 year-old. It's crazy, but right now, it just makes sense."

While the "cougar" (the older woman who pursues significantly younger men) is at least partly an overhyped media creation, there's some evidence that for one age group in particular, this is a real emerging trend. More than a few women in their late 20s to mid 30s who generally dated older men are now switching to going out with younger guys. While the stereotypical cougar is a woman in her 40s with a boyfriend little more than half her age, these women are still in their 30s going out with guys just a few short years younger than themselves. And this doesn't necessarily adhere to the idea of "cheetahs" (the "younger sister" of the cougar, as helpfully invented by the Observer). What I'm talking about here is a bit more specific.

I recently interviewed 49 women, solicited via Facebook, ranging in age from 26 to 40, with a median age of 31. Some women I interviewed in person, some over email. All had a history of dating older guys; all were either currently dating men younger than themselves, or were keenly interested in doing so. For most of them, this was a fairly new shift in their lives, one that had taken many by surprise.
Megan, a 35 year-old yoga instructor, wrote "You know how they always say that the good ones are taken or gay? I never believed that, until I started dating guys on the cusp of 40." She explained that she's generally dated men 3-5 years older than herself. (Megan was adamant that she never had "a daddy thing" for substantially older dudes.) "It seems something starts to happen to men who are still single as they hit 40. It's not that they slow down so much as they seem paralyzed by uncertainty about their lives."

Many of the 20 and 30-something women I talked to noted that it was guys their own age or even younger who seemed more mature and emotionally stable. While the pool of straight, single males age 38-45 is smaller than that of dudes who are a decade younger, it isn't just scarcity that seems to be turning some women away from dating older men. It's a combination of social and sexual factors.
My grandfather often remarked that "30 is the age when a young man stops being promising." Since American society now turns middle-class male adolescence into a quarter-century project, grandpa's axiom needs an update. Today, we give men an extra decade to "launch" themselves professionally. But in this prolonged recession, more men than ever are hitting mid-life single – and with the keen awareness that they've fallen short both of their own dreams and of other's expectations.

As many of the women in my informal study reported, many men on the cusp of 40 become preoccupied with their own ageing. Dating a younger woman is charged with meaning for them; it's one obvious way of continuing to feel youthful. But these older fellas are also more likely than younger men to be nonplussed by their girlfriends' success, which they compare grimly to their own real or perceived shortcomings.
Nicole points out that when she first started dating older men, she was a poor college student. But as she grew into her own career, she soon found that those same older men no longer were necessarily more successful than she was. "Most men who are into younger women like being able to dazzle and wow them", she says. "But now that I'm in my 30s, I've seen the show. Men a few years older than me can't impress me with their money or their experience, because I've got as much of both as they do. And that seems to throw a lot of them off."

As Megan, Nicole, and others remarked, men in their 20s and early 30s seem both less stressed and less intimidated by women's success than their slightly older counterparts. These younger guys are not only less likely to feel that they're running out of time, they're not nearly as troubled by women who are often better educated and better paid than they are. My friend Ariadne, who works in marketing and studies demographics, notes that men from the Millenial generation (those born in 1981 and after) are much more likely to be comfortable with equality than the older Gen Xers (guys born in the 1960s and early ‘70s). "Older guys may talk the language of equality, but younger men live it out better", Ariadne claims. Many other women I heard from seem to agree.
But there's more to the appeal of younger guys than greater egalitarianism alone. Many of the women I interviewed noted that at this point in their lives, they found slightly younger dudes to be far more sexually attractive. As my interviewees made clear, the enduring myths that women aren't particularly visual — and that most women find grey hair and wrinkles to be turn-ons -– are just that, myths. While there are a few younger women who really are strongly attracted to older guys, the sexiness of the ageing male body is more than a little oversold in popular culture. Not a lot of 30 year-olds are as hot as Ryan Gosling- – but far fewer 40-something men look anything like Brad Pitt.

Sexier. Less likely to be controlling. More secure and self-confident. More comfortable with powerful women. Better listeners. These were the main reasons the women I heard from shared as to why they've "made the switch" to dating younger men. Many whom I spoke to were just a little bit uncomfortable going public with their relationships, even as they were frank about their newfound preference for younger guys. "I just don't like the sound of the phrase ‘older woman,'" Megan said; "it makes me sound like a middle-aged Mrs. Robinson." But whatever small degree of uncertainty remains about what to call these 30-something women who date slightly younger guys, the phenomenon is real and growing.

The older man/younger woman dynamic remains our culture's most common model for age-disparate relationships. But evidence and anecdote seem to suggest that for women in their 30s, there's a new template emerging. Whatever you do, however, please don't call them cheetahs or cougars.


Thursday, July 28, 2011

A Mississippi woman was released from jail after being charged with the rape of a Colbert County teen. Amber Huddleston, Miss., is charged with second-degree rape, Colbert County Sheriff Ronnie May said. Huddleston is accused of having sex with a 14-year-old boy at a residence in the Cherokee area.

Officials said another juvenile who was at the residence saw what was going on and contacted the victim's parents who then confronted the boy. “The victim’s parents filed the report with our department on July 19,” May said. “They came to us after their 14-year-old son had admitted he had sex with Huddleston while at a friends house on July 16.” May said another juvenile who was at the residence saw what was going on and made someone aware of it. That person, the sheriff said, contacted the victim’s parents who then confronted the boy. “When the parents confronted the boy, he confessed and they came to us,” May said. She was released from jail on bail of $10,000 bond.

Tuesday, July 26, 2011

More Women Marry Younger Men - The Chosun Ilbo

More and more women in their late 30s and early 40s marry younger men. Out of 40,389 women aged between 35 and 44 who got married last year, 14,154 or 35 percent tied the knot with younger men.

Dr. Yoo Hee-jung of the Korean Women's Development Institute said the reason is that an increasing number of women no longer depend on a husband financially. "More and more women are less restricted by age and look for the type of man they like." Nor are younger men averse to marrying older women who earn more money and lead more sophisticated and materially comfortable lives. "These days, women put a lot of effort into staying young, and they don't seem to look much older than their younger partners. TV series and films now show such couples more often, and there seems to be a growing social acceptance of unconventional partnerships," Yoo said.

The long years they spend in education tend to push up the proportion of single women. According to Chosun Ilbo analysis of the 2010 Census, 30.4 percent of women with master's degree and 36.1 percent of women with PhDs between 30 and 39 were single, a much greater proportion than the 25.7 percent among women who merely completed primary school.

Among women between 30 and 34, two out of three with a master's degree and one in two PhD holders were unmarried. Men in the same age bracket with a higher educational background were much more likely to be married.

A staffer with a matchmaking company said, "Women tend to look for men who are more qualified than they are in at least one of their own set of criteria such as education, wealth and family background. But men in their mid-30s or older want women who are at least four or five years younger, so it's difficult to match men and women in that age group."


Monday, July 25, 2011

Walter Albritton: Be with people who live well - Opelika Auburn News

We should be careful about the people we choose to be around. The reason for caution is that we tend to become like the people around us.

Pessimism, for example, is contagious. Spend a lot of time with pessimistic people and you will become miserable. Companions who grumble about everything will usually cause us to join them in their complaining.

Positive, fun-loving people should be our first choice. The best of them are the ones who will laugh with us, not at us, when we take a spill. People who “lecture” us about every mistake can squeeze the joy out of life. They have a gift: They can suck the energy out of you. The energy of positive people rubs off on you.

I like people who possess confidence and dare to take risks. They have the fortitude to stick to what they are trying to do; they refuse to give up even when the odds seem against them.

Johnny Unitas was such a person. One of the most famous quarterbacks in NFL history, Unitas at first was a third-string quarterback. In one game when his team got behind, he sent himself into the game to replace the quarterback. He did not have the coach’s approval; he just ran on the field and took over. His leadership turned the game around; his team won, and the rest is history.

I love the story about the old woman who was looking for a space to park her bright red Mercedes. Noticing a place up ahead, she moved slowly toward it. Before she could get there, a young man in another car darted in front of her to claim the parking place. She rolled down her window as the young man walked away and demanded to know why he had been so rude. "Lady," he replied with a smile, "I guess that is what you can do when you are young and quick." As he walked on he heard tires squalling and looked back just in time to see the old lady ram her bright red Mercedes into the rear end of his car. Screaming at the woman as she got out of her car to await the police, the young man demanded an explanation. "Well, Sonny," she said, "That’s what you can do when you are old and rich!"

That old woman is my kind of woman. She knew she was no longer young and quick but she was also realized she was not dead yet. She knew that older people still have a few options left. One of those options is to have fun until the end, to stay alive as long as you live. And it helps to spend time with people like that, people who refuse to be a doormat to some insensitive, arrogant idiot.

As we grow older, we lose steam. Energy is hard to find. We lose the ability to do things we once did with ease. We suffer hearing loss, our eyesight dims and our physical strength wanes. But we need not lose our enthusiasm for life itself. One woman put it this way: "I am 85 now. I cannot hear thunder, my eyesight is almost gone and I can hardly walk. But thank God, I still have my driver’s license!"

We need such intestinal fortitude until our last breath. Life is over once we throw in the towel and quit. Once we give up, quality living is history. We may continue to breathe, but instead of living we will merely exist. That time may come, but we need to put it off as long as we can. Somehow, we must reach down and find the courage to keep going.

Stanley Jones he was in his late 70s when I first met him. But he was still hale, hearty and full of life. His mind was sharp; his wit was keen. There was nothing negative about him. “Brother Stanley,” as he wished to be called, was an immediate inspiration to me. Instantly, I knew I wanted to be like him.

Jones credited his good health and vitality to grace, gumption and grass. He believed grace, the unmerited favor of God, was abundantly available every day for the asking. By grass he meant vitamin supplements. Gumption is “get up and go,” the inner strength to walk on despite pain and disabilities. Brother Stanley had it; he practiced what he preached with a constantly cheerful spirit. I embraced him as my role model for life.

It takes courage to choose the people you hang around with. Sometimes you have to walk away from negative people who suck the joy out of your life. But we do have a choice. We can refuse to allow whining, complaining people to influence us. We can choose to spend most of our time with people who energize us, people whose presence brings enthusiasm and joy into our lives.

You must decide. Decisions determine what kind of person you become. So make up your mind and do what seems best to you. After all, it’s your life.

Walter Albritton is a Methodist minister and writes a weekly column for the Opelika-Auburn News. Contact him at

Sunday, July 24, 2011

Dear Abby | Dessert adds a sour ending to dinners with girlfriends - Kansas City Star

DEAR ABBY: Is it weird to not want to sleep in the same bed with my husband? We have an amazing, caring, fun relationship — but when it comes to sleep, I need my space while he prefers to cuddle all night. I always end up trying to push him over to his side, or telling him to please move. I know he gets offended because he’s just trying to be close.

Abby, when I’m in bed with him I hardly get any sleep! He’s always on my side and I can’t move. It bothers me so much I end up sleeping on the couch. Is this a bad sign for our marriage? Should I just stick it out for his sake? Our marriage is pretty close to perfect except for this one thing. — Need My Space in West Valley, Utah

DEAR NEEDS YOUR SPACE: If you haven’t already done it, you and your husband should have a calm discussion about this when you’re both wide awake and rested. Sleep deprivation can cause any number of problems — slow reaction time behind the wheel of a car, inefficiency at work, and serious health problems. If your marriage is amazing, caring, fun and sexually satisfying for both of you, then sleeping separately isn’t a “bad sign.” It’s the solution.


You can play that game

DEAR ABBY: I am a 54-year-old woman who, after a long marriage and unavoidable divorce, is ready to date. I work out daily, am active in my church, take classes, and socialize with women and married couples. I’m in excellent shape and am told I’m attractive and fun. There are few available men my age (or a little younger or older) and almost all of them seem to be looking for women in their 40s, 30s or even 20s.

Why are men my age so unwilling to date women their age? We’re past the drama years, are secure in who we are, and have a lot to offer. Am I destined to spend my life without romance? I’m an upbeat person but have lately started feeling angry at how I’m being marginalized. — Missing Out in Wyoming

DEAR MISSING OUT: I can’t speak for “all” older men, but many of them in our youth-obsessed culture look for women considerably younger because it helps them fool themselves into thinking they are younger than their years. You are physically, socially and intellectually active, so stop allowing yourself to be marginalized and consider dating men who are younger. It worked for Demi Moore.


Older women pick Mr Sensible over Mr Big - Marie

It’s an age-old debate: should our favourite Sex and the City girl, Carrie Bradshaw, have picked the caring Aidan, or the extravagant Mr Big?

Whilst younger women may be seduced by ambition and wealth, older women are more likely to choose a friendly, more reliable man, according to a recent study.

A survey of 9,000 women aged between 16 and 75, found that younger woman look for well-off, ambitious men, with over half admitting they want a man who can afford to spoil them with expensive gestures. Moreover, almost a quarter said they want a man who aims high on the career ladder.

Meanwhile, the survey, which was carried out by parenting site Netmums and Saga magazine, found that more than half of older women want a man who can take care of their emotional needs.

‘It's interesting to see what each generation of women looks for in a man. Younger women really seem to want it all – looks, money, ambition and honesty – whilst older women value the more traditional traits such as kindness humour and reliability,’ says Sibhoan Freegard of Netmums.

But, there are some qualities that all women value, regardless of their age. Everyone agreed that sexual chemistry is one of the most important factors in a relationship, with women in their 70s valuing it more than women in their 40s. Experts claim that this could be due to women wanting to put their family first before their children leave home.

‘The results provide some intriguing insights into real relationships across the generations. It’s reassuring to see that over 50, the desire for sexual chemistry returns, showing that women still value the thing that brought them together with their partner in the first place,’ says Emma Soames from Saga magazine.

Do you think Carrie picked the right man? Let us know your thoughts below.


Indian Women Tweak Their SlutWalk - San Francisco Chronicle

A young man follows a teenage girl along a street in India's capital on a recent muggy morning, leering. The girl, wearing jeans topped with a long tunic, quickens her steps. As the man closes in, she covers her mouth with her hands. Bystanders cover their eyes.

Then everybody freezes in place.

The two had just acted out the first scene of a street play about sexual harassment and social acquiescence that Indian university students have been performing around the city as part of the run-up to SlutWalk Delhi, India's version of the campus campaign that began in Toronto in April and has since spread to the United States, Britain, Germany, Australia, Argentina and South Korea.

The walk, conceived as a protest against a Canadian police officer who advised women to "avoid dressing like sluts" if they want to be safe from sexual assault, elsewhere has involved women dressing as provocatively as they please. But in India, the SlutWalk set for July 31 is getting a makeover, with student organizers saying they have tweaked the original concept to better match India's conservative social palette.

The confrontational "slut" has been softened by adding the Hindi word for "shamelessness" to the event's title. Women have been asked to march in their regular clothes. And weekly public debates and street theater are being promoted even more energetically than the walk itself.

Rather than focusing on clothes, the campaign is questioning gender stereotypes embedded in ancient Hindu religious epics, Bollywood movies and sexist matrimonial classified ads.

"There will be no dress code" for the march, said Umang Sabarwal, 19, the event's chief organizer. "In India, no matter what we wear, even if we are covered head to toe in a sari or a burqa, we get molested and raped. A woman's fight in India is more basic - it is a fight for the right to be born, education, nutritious food, work."

New Delhi has reported 258 cases of rape or molestation through June this year, and women in the city routinely face harassment in buses and on the metro system. SlutWalk Delhi has Twitter and Facebook accounts, but in an effort to be more inclusive, march organizers have also begun distributing pamphlets, titled "Speak Up," among women in the city.

"We want to reach a larger audience, beyond the campus and the Facebook crowd," said Mishika Singh, a 20-year-old law student and a walk coordinator.

The young, English-speaking students also find themselves having to work hard to secure the backing of an older generation of feminists who prefer to be more culturally rooted. When they approached the government-run National Commission for Women and other women's organizations for funds and support, they were rebuffed.

"I agree with the cause, but the packaging is wrong," said Ranjana Kumari, a leading feminist who heads the Center for Social Research. "I tried to counsel the students not to alienate the majority of Indian women. The Indian feminist movement took many decades to recover from the damage caused by the American bra-tossing campaigns. Let us not ape the West unnecessarily and trivialize our fight."

Still, India is urbanizing rapidly and embracing global culture as it does so. Two-thirds of the country's 1.2 billion people are under 35, and many young women say they are battling the same stereotypes as elsewhere.

Shefalee Vasudev, a fashion columnist for the Indian Express newspaper, wrote this month: "Damn the intellectuals. SlutWalk is actually about clothes, about what we wear and how. That's why if we all turn up in 'decent clothes' for the SlutWalk, we may not be able to make the point."

Amid rising crime against women, the city's police commissioner offered some advice last week. "You can't travel alone at 2 a.m. and then say Delhi is not safe," B.K. Gupta said. "It would be ideal if a woman takes her brother or driver along."

Two years ago, a young woman was killed going home late from work. Delhi's female chief minister, Sheila Dikshit, caused a public outcry at the time when she said that women should not be "adventurous."

"We hear such advice all the time from our parents. The restrictions are always put on women, never on the men," said Prateeka Nanda, a 19-year-old undergraduate volunteer. "Men do not own the public space. We want to reclaim it."

Last Sunday, the central Indian town of Bhopal was the scene of India's first SlutWalk. Only 50 people turned up. The organizers said parents did not allow their daughters to participate.


Friday, July 22, 2011

Older men / younger women relationships: Is age really just a number? -

Your host, Meghan Murphy, explores the older man/younger woman relationship with special guest, Hugo Schwyzer.
While we seem to have normalized, to a certain extent, the cliche of the middle-aged man who, maybe post-divorce, seek out a much younger woman, whether it be to start a (new) family or simply to pump up his ego, the 'creepy' factor remains intact. We may want to present this kind of relationship as 'natural' or as some kind of biological inclination that is applicable to men in particular, we must ask whether or not it is indeed 'natural' and why it is that we continue to get that old creepy feeling about a, perhaps, 50-year-old man pursuing a relationship with a 25-year-old woman.
Are men really meant to aspire towards Hugh Hefner? And what does it say about our culture when we assume men won't be interested in women their own age? What does it say about the men who are only interested is very young women? What are the implications of these kinds of relationships? Is love ageless or is there something more to the story -- specifically, how does gender and male power play into these so called 'May-December' relationships? Is it our responsibility to intervene into these potentially unhealthy or even dangerous relationships? Or is this kind of situation meant to remain squarely in the realm of the 'private matter'? Do men need to take responsibility here and focus on women their own age? Why? And, on an even more serious note, are these men more than just creepy -- how does abuse play into these relationships when, more often than not, it is not only male power that gives older men the 'upper hand' as they say, but also economic power, making younger women all the more dependent on what very well could be a controlling and potentially abusive man?

Thursday, July 21, 2011

Younger Women Dating Older Men May Not Foresee Consequences - Huffington Post

"True love can be ageless," declared actor Doug Hutchison, 51, an actor who starred in the television series "Lost," when he announced his May marriage to Courtney Alexis Stodden, a 16-year-old beauty pageant queen turned aspiring country star.
A few weeks later, The New York Times' June 16th Vows column featured the wedding of Christopher Cox, 32, the grandson of Richard Nixon and former campaign aid to John McCain, to Andrea Catsimatidis, whom he met when she was a senior at an Upper East Side high school. He was speaking at the school.
From R. Kelly's rumored romance with 15-year-old singer Aaliyah to rocker Ted Nugent falling for 17-year-old Pele Massa in 1978 -- and becoming her legal guardian because she was too young to marry him -- relationships between older men and younger girls never fail to make us squirm.
This squeamishness is understandable: Hutchison is nearly old enough to be Stodden's grandfather. In 12 U.S. states, a person can't legally consent to sex until age 17, and individuals under 18 years old must have a parent's permission to marry in all states except Nebraska, where the legal marriage age is 19.
Of course, men have paired up with younger women -- often much younger women -- for all of human history. That pairing may even make biological sense. Neuropsychiatrist Dr. LouAnn Brizendine, who has written about brain development in males and females, says that girls' brains are as much as two years ahead of boys' during puberty and that boys may not even catch up to girls until late adolescence or their early 20s, so a few year between partners can -- and often does -- make for a compatible match.
Marriage aside, the 2002 National Survey of Family Growth, conducted by the National Center for Health Statistics, found that a significant number of girls lose their virginity to older partners. Some 16 percent of girls had sex with male partners who were 4-6 years older and 11 percent had partners that were 7 or more years older. According to the NCHS's William Mosher, the average age for first-time sex for women is between 16 and 17.
What's different about the Hutchinson-Stodden marriage and the Cox-Catsimatidis wedding is that the grooms were willing to enter so publicly into relationships with teenagers, with the apparent approval of their brides' parents. Catsimatidis, who is now 21, told The New York Times that her father "wouldn't have given me up to anyone else," while Stodden's mother Krista was quoted as saying, "We are totally supportive of this marriage. Doug is a wonderful man and we love him."
While an age disparity like the 35 years between Hutchison and Stodden is by no means the norm, the recent openness around relationships involving huge age gaps -- especially the Times' willingness to feature the Cox and Castimatidis nuptials -- suggests that they may be becoming less stigmatized.
But should they? How does entering into a relationship with an older man before turning 18 -- or even 20 -- affect the young woman involved?
"When you start stretching decades and you're talking about young girls, under 19 or so, it's probably problematic," said Dr. Lee Cohen, a child and adolescent psychiatrist who is based in New York. "It's probably not healthy, or not the most 'normal' relationship.
"Based on 29 years of practice," Lee added, "I don't think you could be that mature at 17. You're still a kid."
According to Dr. Mani Pavuluri, director of the Pediatric Brain Research and Intervention Center and professor of psychiatry at the University of Illinois Chicago, teenage brains are still in the process of developing until age 19 or 20.
Before that, teens' "ability to consider and use judgment is still maturing," Pavuluri said, adding that peer pressure can further impact the impulsiveness of teenagers' choices. Although adolescents know right from wrong and understand consequences, she explained, "their ability to carefully consider these matters is somewhat limited relative to adults."
Sexual relationships and marriages between adult men and adolescent girls have very been common historically and continue to be in many other cultures. But experts seem to agree that in contemporary American society the potential harm to a young woman depends on both on her age and how big the age gap is with her partner.
While several psychiatrists cautioned against judging relationships like Cox and Catsimatidis' without knowing the specifics and what each partner is bringing to the table psychologically, studies show that there can be long-term emotional repercussions for teen girls who have sex with older men.
Dr. Ann Meier, a professor of sociology at the University of Minnesota, studied data from the National Longitudinal Study of Adolescent Health and found that compared to teen girls with a same-aged partner, girls in 7th through 12th grades who had sex with a partner more than one year older had higher levels of subsequent depression and lower levels of self-esteem.
"If they're with a male who has more power and status," because he is older, "this might make it harder for young women to say, 'No I don’t want to have sex,'" Meier said.
There can be physical consequences for young women in these sexual relationships, too. Child Trends, a non-profit organization in Washington, D.C., has looked at contraceptive use amongst teen girls and found that those dating men who are 3 to 4 years older are at higher risk of STD and pregnancy than those having sex with boys their own age.
"Even if the girl would prefer to be using some type of contraceptive, she's less likely to do so if the guy has more power in the relationship," said Jennifer Manlove, a senior research scientist with the organization. As the age gap increases, Manlove explained, the likelihood of using contraceptives decreases.
Judy Prays, a 24-year-old graduate student living in Atlanta, dated older men from the time she was 16 -- intentionally. To this day, she said, she has no regrets.
"I thought it was so romantic and glamorous and adventurous," she said. "I wasn't interested in having any power. I was interested in the other person being in control of everything, being the smarter one, the stronger one. I was interested in letting them drive."
Prays said she never felt any of the men she dated were manipulating her and added that sex was not the focus. She argued that these relationships are too harshly criticized. For her, they were positive experiences -- she even saw the potential for marriage with some of the men.
For many women, though, these relationships look very different in hindsight. In 1999, Lynn Philips conducted a well-known study for Planned Parenthood in which she interviewed teenage girls mostly between the ages of 14 to 17 who were involved with men ages 21 to 29. Philips, a social and developmental psychologist and professor of Communication at the University of Massachusetts, also interviewed adult women who had engaged in similar relationships when they were teens.
The teenagers didn't believe they were being exploited, and no one reported feeling like a victim. Among the perceived benefits of their relationships were admiration from their peers and their partner's material assets. The girls stressed the emotional pluses even more, saying that their older partners were more considerate of their feelings and made them feel special. They believed their partners would be more faithful than boys their own age because older men were finished "sowing their oats."
"They really give adult men far too much credit," Philips said. "The irony is they find out after the fact that these men were 'sowing their wild oats' with them."
Older women interviewed about the relationships they had as teens felt quite differently.
"They had very little good to say at all when they were older: many were angry, really angry," Philips said. "They were pretty much disgusted."
Philips argued that individual needy girls and exploitative men are not the only factors driving these relationships.
"From music videos, to porn, to Disney, this is all sits within this bigger cultural context of media images and cultural messages that absolutely eroticize and hyper-sexualize teen girls," she said. "As much as we say we're appalled by [these relationships] and concerned by them, there are things out there in the culture that make this happen."


Wednesday, July 20, 2011

Why are we afraid of male sexuality? - The Guardian

While older women are now widely eroticised, male equivalents such as John Major are attacked as 'old lechers'. Photograph: Martin Godwin for the Guardian

Is there anything good to be said about male sexuality? That might seem a daft question. Apparently it brings a lot of pleasure and excitement to the lives of men and women alike, it's inspired some of the greatest art, music and literature through the ages and has played a fairly substantial role in sustaining our species and populating the planet. Nonetheless you'll need to search very, very hard to find any positive appraisal of male heterosexuality.

Since the era of the permissive society and the mainstreaming of modern feminism, western society has gone a long way towards liberating women's sexuality. Younger women have, to an unprecedented extent, been encouraged to believe they can be as sexual as they like and to experience and express their desires as they wish. Even the age-old proscriptions on female promiscuity have been largely broken down, exemplified by the glorious flowering of the SlutWalk movement.

Simultaneously, and perhaps not coincidentally, male sexuality has been increasingly seen as a problem. You can hear it in the gentle, dismissive mockery that says men are simple creatures who "only want one thing" or, at the extreme, outright vilification. The male gaze threatens, male desire is aggressive. Our primal instincts are pathologised with the jargon of gender studies. Righteous and necessary efforts to reduce sexual crimes have had the unwelcome effect of teaching generations of men that our sexuality can be dangerous and frightening.

Don't believe me? Look back at the Bailey review into the early sexualisation of children, and the surrounding media hoo-ha. Leaving aside any concerns about the veracity and accuracy of the report itself (and I have plenty myself) it is striking that acres of print were devoted to the impacts of these social trends on girls, their self-esteem and body image; their developing sexuality; their safety and security. Barely a word was spoken about boys, beyond fears that they are being turned into beasts.

Again and again the message came out: girls have problems. Boys are problems. And yet does anyone doubt that there should be concerns about how easy access to porn impacts upon boys' sexual development, their self-esteem, their body image or performance anxieties? It's not as if young men bask in perfect mental health and happiness – young men commit suicide at nearly four times the rate of young women, and sex and relationships rank high on their list of concerns.

At the other end of the age range, sexually active older women are now widely eroticised (albeit often with a rather misogynistic undertone) as "cougars" or (forgive me) "Milfs" while their male equivalents are disparaged as dirty old men. Observer columnist Viv Groskop recently went further, opining about any older man who has sex outside marriage, even the mild-mannered old janitor John Major, saying "Unfortunately it's not against the law to be an old lecher. Maybe it should be. Or at the very least you shouldn't be rewarded with the highest office in the land."

Perhaps the greatest concern for men and women alike should be the way male sexuality and sexual expressiveness balances on a narrow tightrope of acceptability. One step off the wire and you tumble into the realm of perversion. As feminist blogger Clarisse Thorn noted last year, any man who hits on a woman and gets it wrong risks being branded a "creep" – sometimes deservedly so, of course, but often for no greater sin than being insufficiently attractive or socially skilled, or having misread a perceived signal of invitation. I've never heard of a woman being stigmatised or disparaged for expressing an attraction to big men, rough men, geeky men or whatever. A man who expresses similar desires for women who don't conform to standard norms of beauty is a perv, a fetishist, a weirdo.

All of these prejudices are rehearsed and reiterated by men and women alike, they reside in the intangible web of social norms, conventions and culture, but they can and must be challenged and changed. If we can begin to openly and joyously celebrate the positives to male sexuality, it might become easier for men to be happy and confident sexual partners, and in turn become better lovers, and sometimes better people.

Male sexuality is no less diverse, complex and wonderful than women's or, for that matter, no more base, coarse and animalistic. Sure, most men might be slightly more likely to let our gaze linger on eye-catching curves, and slightly less likely to giggle about our lovers' proclivities with our friends, but in the grand picture women and men are surprisingly similar, in this respect as in so many others. Women have been entirely justified in asking that we blokes respect their rights, autonomy and wishes, that we respect them as sexual beings. It shouldn't be too much to ask for a little of the same in return.



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