Sunday, July 31, 2011

Website helps married people cheat - Fraser Coast Chronicle

Noel Biderman, pictured here with two sultry models, is the founder of AshleyMadison. THEY are married, they are unhappy and they are cheating – and they are right here on the Fraser Coast.

The controversial dating website for the unhappily married,, has more than 300,000 members in Australia alone. Not all of them are married, or even in relationships – but the founder of the website, Canadian Noel Biderman, does not shy away from the fact that married people are the website’s target audience.
Needless to say, the decision to target those already in relationships has caused plenty of controversy but Mr Biderman maintains he isn’t responsible for creating the demand – he is merely catering for a market that existed well before was causing outrage across the globe.

Coming up with the idea was simple. Mr Biderman, who is himself married, remembers reading an article which stated that around 30% of people on dating websites for single people were not single.
That statistic made him realise there was an untapped market of people looking to date who already had relationships.
While he says the advertising for is sometimes aggressive – including the slogan “Life is short – have an affair” – he says it is ridiculous to believe that people are so pliable that seeing that will convince them to join up if they already have a happy relationship.
“Affairs have been happening long before I came onto the scene,” he said.
“I do not convince people to have affairs.”

Saturday, July 30, 2011

Dominique Strauss-Kahn: another woman claims of affair -

In an interview with Switzerland's L'Illustre magazine, she told how she met DSK at a socialist party meeting in Sarcelles, near Paris, 14 years ago, and ended up in bed with him later the same day.

She said: "I was I was 23 and he was 47. I couldn't believe what had happened.

"He asked me for my number and we met later in a hotel bar in Paris. We both knew exactly what was going to happen.

"We carried on meeting in a lavish apartment in Paris that he said belonged to a friend.

"During this time, he was made a minister in the French government.

"The relationship was physically intense, but not violent. Is a man violent if he pushes you against a wall to kiss you?

"Sometimes he took me forcefully, but I considered our affair more passionate than violent, and besides, everything we did was consensual."

She revealed how nine months later Strauss-Kahn dumped her in the street after a furious row, adding: "He just got in taxi and left.

"I took the whole thing very badly. I was very hurt and took a load of pills. I don't remember that episode very clearly."

She also refused to confirm or deny claims by L'Illustre magazine that Strauss-Kahn had got her pregnant and that she had an abortion.

She said: "All I will say is that he didn't force me to do anything."

Marie-Victorine, who left Paris later the same year to work as a lawyer in Los Angeles, said she was 'stunned' to hear how he had been arrested for attempted rape on May 14.

She went on: "I couldn't believe it when I heard it on the news.

"He has a huge sexual appetite and can push things too far. But I don't think he meant to do that. I am sure too that he is personally convinced he's innocent."

Marie-Victorine said she had been interviewed by Ms Diallo's lawyer Kenneth Thompson, but told him she was not convinced Strauss-Kahn was guilty.

She added: "I'm also happy to meet the prosecutor if he calls me, but if anything I would be more likely to be called as a witness for the defence.

"If Dominique is guilty he should go to prison, but he will never admit it."

Asked what she would to say to him if she meets him again, Marie Victorine replied: "Be very careful over your choice of lovers, and if you cheat on your wife, don't get caught."

In New York, Strauss-Kahn's next court appearance has been adjourned for a second time until August 23, amid claims the hotel chambermaid is a prostitute who consented to sex.

He also faces separate charges in Paris from French writer Tristane Banon, 32, who claims he tried to rape her in a Paris flat eight years ago.

Ms Banon told how Strauss-Kahn acted like a 'rutting chimpanzee' during the alleged attack in 2003.

Incredibly, Ms banon's mother has also told French police how she had 'brutal but consensual' sex with DSK too - in his office at OECD international trade body in Paris.

Left-wing politician Anne Mansouret, 65, said the economist seduced her with the 'vulgarity of a squaddie' in the sordid sexual encounter ten years ago.

Strauss-Kahn, currently on bail in New York, denies both rafts of allegations against him in the US and France, and has launched legal action against Banon in Paris for defamation.

View the original article here

A Dating Paradigm Shift For Women In Their 30s - Jezebel

"This is so weird," my friend Nicole -– a successful 33 year-old entertainment executive — tells me. "Ever since I started dating, I went for older guys, sometimes much older. But now I'm head over heels for a 29 year-old. It's crazy, but right now, it just makes sense."

While the "cougar" (the older woman who pursues significantly younger men) is at least partly an overhyped media creation, there's some evidence that for one age group in particular, this is a real emerging trend. More than a few women in their late 20s to mid 30s who generally dated older men are now switching to going out with younger guys. While the stereotypical cougar is a woman in her 40s with a boyfriend little more than half her age, these women are still in their 30s going out with guys just a few short years younger than themselves. And this doesn't necessarily adhere to the idea of "cheetahs" (the "younger sister" of the cougar, as helpfully invented by the Observer). What I'm talking about here is a bit more specific.

I recently interviewed 49 women, solicited via Facebook, ranging in age from 26 to 40, with a median age of 31. Some women I interviewed in person, some over email. All had a history of dating older guys; all were either currently dating men younger than themselves, or were keenly interested in doing so. For most of them, this was a fairly new shift in their lives, one that had taken many by surprise.
Megan, a 35 year-old yoga instructor, wrote "You know how they always say that the good ones are taken or gay? I never believed that, until I started dating guys on the cusp of 40." She explained that she's generally dated men 3-5 years older than herself. (Megan was adamant that she never had "a daddy thing" for substantially older dudes.) "It seems something starts to happen to men who are still single as they hit 40. It's not that they slow down so much as they seem paralyzed by uncertainty about their lives."

Many of the 20 and 30-something women I talked to noted that it was guys their own age or even younger who seemed more mature and emotionally stable. While the pool of straight, single males age 38-45 is smaller than that of dudes who are a decade younger, it isn't just scarcity that seems to be turning some women away from dating older men. It's a combination of social and sexual factors.
My grandfather often remarked that "30 is the age when a young man stops being promising." Since American society now turns middle-class male adolescence into a quarter-century project, grandpa's axiom needs an update. Today, we give men an extra decade to "launch" themselves professionally. But in this prolonged recession, more men than ever are hitting mid-life single – and with the keen awareness that they've fallen short both of their own dreams and of other's expectations.

As many of the women in my informal study reported, many men on the cusp of 40 become preoccupied with their own ageing. Dating a younger woman is charged with meaning for them; it's one obvious way of continuing to feel youthful. But these older fellas are also more likely than younger men to be nonplussed by their girlfriends' success, which they compare grimly to their own real or perceived shortcomings.
Nicole points out that when she first started dating older men, she was a poor college student. But as she grew into her own career, she soon found that those same older men no longer were necessarily more successful than she was. "Most men who are into younger women like being able to dazzle and wow them", she says. "But now that I'm in my 30s, I've seen the show. Men a few years older than me can't impress me with their money or their experience, because I've got as much of both as they do. And that seems to throw a lot of them off."

As Megan, Nicole, and others remarked, men in their 20s and early 30s seem both less stressed and less intimidated by women's success than their slightly older counterparts. These younger guys are not only less likely to feel that they're running out of time, they're not nearly as troubled by women who are often better educated and better paid than they are. My friend Ariadne, who works in marketing and studies demographics, notes that men from the Millenial generation (those born in 1981 and after) are much more likely to be comfortable with equality than the older Gen Xers (guys born in the 1960s and early ‘70s). "Older guys may talk the language of equality, but younger men live it out better", Ariadne claims. Many other women I heard from seem to agree.
But there's more to the appeal of younger guys than greater egalitarianism alone. Many of the women I interviewed noted that at this point in their lives, they found slightly younger dudes to be far more sexually attractive. As my interviewees made clear, the enduring myths that women aren't particularly visual — and that most women find grey hair and wrinkles to be turn-ons -– are just that, myths. While there are a few younger women who really are strongly attracted to older guys, the sexiness of the ageing male body is more than a little oversold in popular culture. Not a lot of 30 year-olds are as hot as Ryan Gosling- – but far fewer 40-something men look anything like Brad Pitt.

Sexier. Less likely to be controlling. More secure and self-confident. More comfortable with powerful women. Better listeners. These were the main reasons the women I heard from shared as to why they've "made the switch" to dating younger men. Many whom I spoke to were just a little bit uncomfortable going public with their relationships, even as they were frank about their newfound preference for younger guys. "I just don't like the sound of the phrase ‘older woman,'" Megan said; "it makes me sound like a middle-aged Mrs. Robinson." But whatever small degree of uncertainty remains about what to call these 30-something women who date slightly younger guys, the phenomenon is real and growing.

The older man/younger woman dynamic remains our culture's most common model for age-disparate relationships. But evidence and anecdote seem to suggest that for women in their 30s, there's a new template emerging. Whatever you do, however, please don't call them cheetahs or cougars.


Thursday, July 28, 2011

A Mississippi woman was released from jail after being charged with the rape of a Colbert County teen. Amber Huddleston, Miss., is charged with second-degree rape, Colbert County Sheriff Ronnie May said. Huddleston is accused of having sex with a 14-year-old boy at a residence in the Cherokee area.

Officials said another juvenile who was at the residence saw what was going on and contacted the victim's parents who then confronted the boy. “The victim’s parents filed the report with our department on July 19,” May said. “They came to us after their 14-year-old son had admitted he had sex with Huddleston while at a friends house on July 16.” May said another juvenile who was at the residence saw what was going on and made someone aware of it. That person, the sheriff said, contacted the victim’s parents who then confronted the boy. “When the parents confronted the boy, he confessed and they came to us,” May said. She was released from jail on bail of $10,000 bond.

Tuesday, July 26, 2011

More Women Marry Younger Men - The Chosun Ilbo

More and more women in their late 30s and early 40s marry younger men. Out of 40,389 women aged between 35 and 44 who got married last year, 14,154 or 35 percent tied the knot with younger men.

Dr. Yoo Hee-jung of the Korean Women's Development Institute said the reason is that an increasing number of women no longer depend on a husband financially. "More and more women are less restricted by age and look for the type of man they like." Nor are younger men averse to marrying older women who earn more money and lead more sophisticated and materially comfortable lives. "These days, women put a lot of effort into staying young, and they don't seem to look much older than their younger partners. TV series and films now show such couples more often, and there seems to be a growing social acceptance of unconventional partnerships," Yoo said.

The long years they spend in education tend to push up the proportion of single women. According to Chosun Ilbo analysis of the 2010 Census, 30.4 percent of women with master's degree and 36.1 percent of women with PhDs between 30 and 39 were single, a much greater proportion than the 25.7 percent among women who merely completed primary school.

Among women between 30 and 34, two out of three with a master's degree and one in two PhD holders were unmarried. Men in the same age bracket with a higher educational background were much more likely to be married.

A staffer with a matchmaking company said, "Women tend to look for men who are more qualified than they are in at least one of their own set of criteria such as education, wealth and family background. But men in their mid-30s or older want women who are at least four or five years younger, so it's difficult to match men and women in that age group."


Monday, July 25, 2011

Walter Albritton: Be with people who live well - Opelika Auburn News

We should be careful about the people we choose to be around. The reason for caution is that we tend to become like the people around us.

Pessimism, for example, is contagious. Spend a lot of time with pessimistic people and you will become miserable. Companions who grumble about everything will usually cause us to join them in their complaining.

Positive, fun-loving people should be our first choice. The best of them are the ones who will laugh with us, not at us, when we take a spill. People who “lecture” us about every mistake can squeeze the joy out of life. They have a gift: They can suck the energy out of you. The energy of positive people rubs off on you.

I like people who possess confidence and dare to take risks. They have the fortitude to stick to what they are trying to do; they refuse to give up even when the odds seem against them.

Johnny Unitas was such a person. One of the most famous quarterbacks in NFL history, Unitas at first was a third-string quarterback. In one game when his team got behind, he sent himself into the game to replace the quarterback. He did not have the coach’s approval; he just ran on the field and took over. His leadership turned the game around; his team won, and the rest is history.

I love the story about the old woman who was looking for a space to park her bright red Mercedes. Noticing a place up ahead, she moved slowly toward it. Before she could get there, a young man in another car darted in front of her to claim the parking place. She rolled down her window as the young man walked away and demanded to know why he had been so rude. "Lady," he replied with a smile, "I guess that is what you can do when you are young and quick." As he walked on he heard tires squalling and looked back just in time to see the old lady ram her bright red Mercedes into the rear end of his car. Screaming at the woman as she got out of her car to await the police, the young man demanded an explanation. "Well, Sonny," she said, "That’s what you can do when you are old and rich!"

That old woman is my kind of woman. She knew she was no longer young and quick but she was also realized she was not dead yet. She knew that older people still have a few options left. One of those options is to have fun until the end, to stay alive as long as you live. And it helps to spend time with people like that, people who refuse to be a doormat to some insensitive, arrogant idiot.

As we grow older, we lose steam. Energy is hard to find. We lose the ability to do things we once did with ease. We suffer hearing loss, our eyesight dims and our physical strength wanes. But we need not lose our enthusiasm for life itself. One woman put it this way: "I am 85 now. I cannot hear thunder, my eyesight is almost gone and I can hardly walk. But thank God, I still have my driver’s license!"

We need such intestinal fortitude until our last breath. Life is over once we throw in the towel and quit. Once we give up, quality living is history. We may continue to breathe, but instead of living we will merely exist. That time may come, but we need to put it off as long as we can. Somehow, we must reach down and find the courage to keep going.

Stanley Jones he was in his late 70s when I first met him. But he was still hale, hearty and full of life. His mind was sharp; his wit was keen. There was nothing negative about him. “Brother Stanley,” as he wished to be called, was an immediate inspiration to me. Instantly, I knew I wanted to be like him.

Jones credited his good health and vitality to grace, gumption and grass. He believed grace, the unmerited favor of God, was abundantly available every day for the asking. By grass he meant vitamin supplements. Gumption is “get up and go,” the inner strength to walk on despite pain and disabilities. Brother Stanley had it; he practiced what he preached with a constantly cheerful spirit. I embraced him as my role model for life.

It takes courage to choose the people you hang around with. Sometimes you have to walk away from negative people who suck the joy out of your life. But we do have a choice. We can refuse to allow whining, complaining people to influence us. We can choose to spend most of our time with people who energize us, people whose presence brings enthusiasm and joy into our lives.

You must decide. Decisions determine what kind of person you become. So make up your mind and do what seems best to you. After all, it’s your life.

Walter Albritton is a Methodist minister and writes a weekly column for the Opelika-Auburn News. Contact him at

Sunday, July 24, 2011

Dear Abby | Dessert adds a sour ending to dinners with girlfriends - Kansas City Star

DEAR ABBY: Is it weird to not want to sleep in the same bed with my husband? We have an amazing, caring, fun relationship — but when it comes to sleep, I need my space while he prefers to cuddle all night. I always end up trying to push him over to his side, or telling him to please move. I know he gets offended because he’s just trying to be close.

Abby, when I’m in bed with him I hardly get any sleep! He’s always on my side and I can’t move. It bothers me so much I end up sleeping on the couch. Is this a bad sign for our marriage? Should I just stick it out for his sake? Our marriage is pretty close to perfect except for this one thing. — Need My Space in West Valley, Utah

DEAR NEEDS YOUR SPACE: If you haven’t already done it, you and your husband should have a calm discussion about this when you’re both wide awake and rested. Sleep deprivation can cause any number of problems — slow reaction time behind the wheel of a car, inefficiency at work, and serious health problems. If your marriage is amazing, caring, fun and sexually satisfying for both of you, then sleeping separately isn’t a “bad sign.” It’s the solution.


You can play that game

DEAR ABBY: I am a 54-year-old woman who, after a long marriage and unavoidable divorce, is ready to date. I work out daily, am active in my church, take classes, and socialize with women and married couples. I’m in excellent shape and am told I’m attractive and fun. There are few available men my age (or a little younger or older) and almost all of them seem to be looking for women in their 40s, 30s or even 20s.

Why are men my age so unwilling to date women their age? We’re past the drama years, are secure in who we are, and have a lot to offer. Am I destined to spend my life without romance? I’m an upbeat person but have lately started feeling angry at how I’m being marginalized. — Missing Out in Wyoming

DEAR MISSING OUT: I can’t speak for “all” older men, but many of them in our youth-obsessed culture look for women considerably younger because it helps them fool themselves into thinking they are younger than their years. You are physically, socially and intellectually active, so stop allowing yourself to be marginalized and consider dating men who are younger. It worked for Demi Moore.


Older women pick Mr Sensible over Mr Big - Marie

It’s an age-old debate: should our favourite Sex and the City girl, Carrie Bradshaw, have picked the caring Aidan, or the extravagant Mr Big?

Whilst younger women may be seduced by ambition and wealth, older women are more likely to choose a friendly, more reliable man, according to a recent study.

A survey of 9,000 women aged between 16 and 75, found that younger woman look for well-off, ambitious men, with over half admitting they want a man who can afford to spoil them with expensive gestures. Moreover, almost a quarter said they want a man who aims high on the career ladder.

Meanwhile, the survey, which was carried out by parenting site Netmums and Saga magazine, found that more than half of older women want a man who can take care of their emotional needs.

‘It's interesting to see what each generation of women looks for in a man. Younger women really seem to want it all – looks, money, ambition and honesty – whilst older women value the more traditional traits such as kindness humour and reliability,’ says Sibhoan Freegard of Netmums.

But, there are some qualities that all women value, regardless of their age. Everyone agreed that sexual chemistry is one of the most important factors in a relationship, with women in their 70s valuing it more than women in their 40s. Experts claim that this could be due to women wanting to put their family first before their children leave home.

‘The results provide some intriguing insights into real relationships across the generations. It’s reassuring to see that over 50, the desire for sexual chemistry returns, showing that women still value the thing that brought them together with their partner in the first place,’ says Emma Soames from Saga magazine.

Do you think Carrie picked the right man? Let us know your thoughts below.


Indian Women Tweak Their SlutWalk - San Francisco Chronicle

A young man follows a teenage girl along a street in India's capital on a recent muggy morning, leering. The girl, wearing jeans topped with a long tunic, quickens her steps. As the man closes in, she covers her mouth with her hands. Bystanders cover their eyes.

Then everybody freezes in place.

The two had just acted out the first scene of a street play about sexual harassment and social acquiescence that Indian university students have been performing around the city as part of the run-up to SlutWalk Delhi, India's version of the campus campaign that began in Toronto in April and has since spread to the United States, Britain, Germany, Australia, Argentina and South Korea.

The walk, conceived as a protest against a Canadian police officer who advised women to "avoid dressing like sluts" if they want to be safe from sexual assault, elsewhere has involved women dressing as provocatively as they please. But in India, the SlutWalk set for July 31 is getting a makeover, with student organizers saying they have tweaked the original concept to better match India's conservative social palette.

The confrontational "slut" has been softened by adding the Hindi word for "shamelessness" to the event's title. Women have been asked to march in their regular clothes. And weekly public debates and street theater are being promoted even more energetically than the walk itself.

Rather than focusing on clothes, the campaign is questioning gender stereotypes embedded in ancient Hindu religious epics, Bollywood movies and sexist matrimonial classified ads.

"There will be no dress code" for the march, said Umang Sabarwal, 19, the event's chief organizer. "In India, no matter what we wear, even if we are covered head to toe in a sari or a burqa, we get molested and raped. A woman's fight in India is more basic - it is a fight for the right to be born, education, nutritious food, work."

New Delhi has reported 258 cases of rape or molestation through June this year, and women in the city routinely face harassment in buses and on the metro system. SlutWalk Delhi has Twitter and Facebook accounts, but in an effort to be more inclusive, march organizers have also begun distributing pamphlets, titled "Speak Up," among women in the city.

"We want to reach a larger audience, beyond the campus and the Facebook crowd," said Mishika Singh, a 20-year-old law student and a walk coordinator.

The young, English-speaking students also find themselves having to work hard to secure the backing of an older generation of feminists who prefer to be more culturally rooted. When they approached the government-run National Commission for Women and other women's organizations for funds and support, they were rebuffed.

"I agree with the cause, but the packaging is wrong," said Ranjana Kumari, a leading feminist who heads the Center for Social Research. "I tried to counsel the students not to alienate the majority of Indian women. The Indian feminist movement took many decades to recover from the damage caused by the American bra-tossing campaigns. Let us not ape the West unnecessarily and trivialize our fight."

Still, India is urbanizing rapidly and embracing global culture as it does so. Two-thirds of the country's 1.2 billion people are under 35, and many young women say they are battling the same stereotypes as elsewhere.

Shefalee Vasudev, a fashion columnist for the Indian Express newspaper, wrote this month: "Damn the intellectuals. SlutWalk is actually about clothes, about what we wear and how. That's why if we all turn up in 'decent clothes' for the SlutWalk, we may not be able to make the point."

Amid rising crime against women, the city's police commissioner offered some advice last week. "You can't travel alone at 2 a.m. and then say Delhi is not safe," B.K. Gupta said. "It would be ideal if a woman takes her brother or driver along."

Two years ago, a young woman was killed going home late from work. Delhi's female chief minister, Sheila Dikshit, caused a public outcry at the time when she said that women should not be "adventurous."

"We hear such advice all the time from our parents. The restrictions are always put on women, never on the men," said Prateeka Nanda, a 19-year-old undergraduate volunteer. "Men do not own the public space. We want to reclaim it."

Last Sunday, the central Indian town of Bhopal was the scene of India's first SlutWalk. Only 50 people turned up. The organizers said parents did not allow their daughters to participate.


Friday, July 22, 2011

Older men / younger women relationships: Is age really just a number? -

Your host, Meghan Murphy, explores the older man/younger woman relationship with special guest, Hugo Schwyzer.
While we seem to have normalized, to a certain extent, the cliche of the middle-aged man who, maybe post-divorce, seek out a much younger woman, whether it be to start a (new) family or simply to pump up his ego, the 'creepy' factor remains intact. We may want to present this kind of relationship as 'natural' or as some kind of biological inclination that is applicable to men in particular, we must ask whether or not it is indeed 'natural' and why it is that we continue to get that old creepy feeling about a, perhaps, 50-year-old man pursuing a relationship with a 25-year-old woman.
Are men really meant to aspire towards Hugh Hefner? And what does it say about our culture when we assume men won't be interested in women their own age? What does it say about the men who are only interested is very young women? What are the implications of these kinds of relationships? Is love ageless or is there something more to the story -- specifically, how does gender and male power play into these so called 'May-December' relationships? Is it our responsibility to intervene into these potentially unhealthy or even dangerous relationships? Or is this kind of situation meant to remain squarely in the realm of the 'private matter'? Do men need to take responsibility here and focus on women their own age? Why? And, on an even more serious note, are these men more than just creepy -- how does abuse play into these relationships when, more often than not, it is not only male power that gives older men the 'upper hand' as they say, but also economic power, making younger women all the more dependent on what very well could be a controlling and potentially abusive man?

Thursday, July 21, 2011

Younger Women Dating Older Men May Not Foresee Consequences - Huffington Post

"True love can be ageless," declared actor Doug Hutchison, 51, an actor who starred in the television series "Lost," when he announced his May marriage to Courtney Alexis Stodden, a 16-year-old beauty pageant queen turned aspiring country star.
A few weeks later, The New York Times' June 16th Vows column featured the wedding of Christopher Cox, 32, the grandson of Richard Nixon and former campaign aid to John McCain, to Andrea Catsimatidis, whom he met when she was a senior at an Upper East Side high school. He was speaking at the school.
From R. Kelly's rumored romance with 15-year-old singer Aaliyah to rocker Ted Nugent falling for 17-year-old Pele Massa in 1978 -- and becoming her legal guardian because she was too young to marry him -- relationships between older men and younger girls never fail to make us squirm.
This squeamishness is understandable: Hutchison is nearly old enough to be Stodden's grandfather. In 12 U.S. states, a person can't legally consent to sex until age 17, and individuals under 18 years old must have a parent's permission to marry in all states except Nebraska, where the legal marriage age is 19.
Of course, men have paired up with younger women -- often much younger women -- for all of human history. That pairing may even make biological sense. Neuropsychiatrist Dr. LouAnn Brizendine, who has written about brain development in males and females, says that girls' brains are as much as two years ahead of boys' during puberty and that boys may not even catch up to girls until late adolescence or their early 20s, so a few year between partners can -- and often does -- make for a compatible match.
Marriage aside, the 2002 National Survey of Family Growth, conducted by the National Center for Health Statistics, found that a significant number of girls lose their virginity to older partners. Some 16 percent of girls had sex with male partners who were 4-6 years older and 11 percent had partners that were 7 or more years older. According to the NCHS's William Mosher, the average age for first-time sex for women is between 16 and 17.
What's different about the Hutchinson-Stodden marriage and the Cox-Catsimatidis wedding is that the grooms were willing to enter so publicly into relationships with teenagers, with the apparent approval of their brides' parents. Catsimatidis, who is now 21, told The New York Times that her father "wouldn't have given me up to anyone else," while Stodden's mother Krista was quoted as saying, "We are totally supportive of this marriage. Doug is a wonderful man and we love him."
While an age disparity like the 35 years between Hutchison and Stodden is by no means the norm, the recent openness around relationships involving huge age gaps -- especially the Times' willingness to feature the Cox and Castimatidis nuptials -- suggests that they may be becoming less stigmatized.
But should they? How does entering into a relationship with an older man before turning 18 -- or even 20 -- affect the young woman involved?
"When you start stretching decades and you're talking about young girls, under 19 or so, it's probably problematic," said Dr. Lee Cohen, a child and adolescent psychiatrist who is based in New York. "It's probably not healthy, or not the most 'normal' relationship.
"Based on 29 years of practice," Lee added, "I don't think you could be that mature at 17. You're still a kid."
According to Dr. Mani Pavuluri, director of the Pediatric Brain Research and Intervention Center and professor of psychiatry at the University of Illinois Chicago, teenage brains are still in the process of developing until age 19 or 20.
Before that, teens' "ability to consider and use judgment is still maturing," Pavuluri said, adding that peer pressure can further impact the impulsiveness of teenagers' choices. Although adolescents know right from wrong and understand consequences, she explained, "their ability to carefully consider these matters is somewhat limited relative to adults."
Sexual relationships and marriages between adult men and adolescent girls have very been common historically and continue to be in many other cultures. But experts seem to agree that in contemporary American society the potential harm to a young woman depends on both on her age and how big the age gap is with her partner.
While several psychiatrists cautioned against judging relationships like Cox and Catsimatidis' without knowing the specifics and what each partner is bringing to the table psychologically, studies show that there can be long-term emotional repercussions for teen girls who have sex with older men.
Dr. Ann Meier, a professor of sociology at the University of Minnesota, studied data from the National Longitudinal Study of Adolescent Health and found that compared to teen girls with a same-aged partner, girls in 7th through 12th grades who had sex with a partner more than one year older had higher levels of subsequent depression and lower levels of self-esteem.
"If they're with a male who has more power and status," because he is older, "this might make it harder for young women to say, 'No I don’t want to have sex,'" Meier said.
There can be physical consequences for young women in these sexual relationships, too. Child Trends, a non-profit organization in Washington, D.C., has looked at contraceptive use amongst teen girls and found that those dating men who are 3 to 4 years older are at higher risk of STD and pregnancy than those having sex with boys their own age.
"Even if the girl would prefer to be using some type of contraceptive, she's less likely to do so if the guy has more power in the relationship," said Jennifer Manlove, a senior research scientist with the organization. As the age gap increases, Manlove explained, the likelihood of using contraceptives decreases.
Judy Prays, a 24-year-old graduate student living in Atlanta, dated older men from the time she was 16 -- intentionally. To this day, she said, she has no regrets.
"I thought it was so romantic and glamorous and adventurous," she said. "I wasn't interested in having any power. I was interested in the other person being in control of everything, being the smarter one, the stronger one. I was interested in letting them drive."
Prays said she never felt any of the men she dated were manipulating her and added that sex was not the focus. She argued that these relationships are too harshly criticized. For her, they were positive experiences -- she even saw the potential for marriage with some of the men.
For many women, though, these relationships look very different in hindsight. In 1999, Lynn Philips conducted a well-known study for Planned Parenthood in which she interviewed teenage girls mostly between the ages of 14 to 17 who were involved with men ages 21 to 29. Philips, a social and developmental psychologist and professor of Communication at the University of Massachusetts, also interviewed adult women who had engaged in similar relationships when they were teens.
The teenagers didn't believe they were being exploited, and no one reported feeling like a victim. Among the perceived benefits of their relationships were admiration from their peers and their partner's material assets. The girls stressed the emotional pluses even more, saying that their older partners were more considerate of their feelings and made them feel special. They believed their partners would be more faithful than boys their own age because older men were finished "sowing their oats."
"They really give adult men far too much credit," Philips said. "The irony is they find out after the fact that these men were 'sowing their wild oats' with them."
Older women interviewed about the relationships they had as teens felt quite differently.
"They had very little good to say at all when they were older: many were angry, really angry," Philips said. "They were pretty much disgusted."
Philips argued that individual needy girls and exploitative men are not the only factors driving these relationships.
"From music videos, to porn, to Disney, this is all sits within this bigger cultural context of media images and cultural messages that absolutely eroticize and hyper-sexualize teen girls," she said. "As much as we say we're appalled by [these relationships] and concerned by them, there are things out there in the culture that make this happen."


Wednesday, July 20, 2011

Why are we afraid of male sexuality? - The Guardian

While older women are now widely eroticised, male equivalents such as John Major are attacked as 'old lechers'. Photograph: Martin Godwin for the Guardian

Is there anything good to be said about male sexuality? That might seem a daft question. Apparently it brings a lot of pleasure and excitement to the lives of men and women alike, it's inspired some of the greatest art, music and literature through the ages and has played a fairly substantial role in sustaining our species and populating the planet. Nonetheless you'll need to search very, very hard to find any positive appraisal of male heterosexuality.

Since the era of the permissive society and the mainstreaming of modern feminism, western society has gone a long way towards liberating women's sexuality. Younger women have, to an unprecedented extent, been encouraged to believe they can be as sexual as they like and to experience and express their desires as they wish. Even the age-old proscriptions on female promiscuity have been largely broken down, exemplified by the glorious flowering of the SlutWalk movement.

Simultaneously, and perhaps not coincidentally, male sexuality has been increasingly seen as a problem. You can hear it in the gentle, dismissive mockery that says men are simple creatures who "only want one thing" or, at the extreme, outright vilification. The male gaze threatens, male desire is aggressive. Our primal instincts are pathologised with the jargon of gender studies. Righteous and necessary efforts to reduce sexual crimes have had the unwelcome effect of teaching generations of men that our sexuality can be dangerous and frightening.

Don't believe me? Look back at the Bailey review into the early sexualisation of children, and the surrounding media hoo-ha. Leaving aside any concerns about the veracity and accuracy of the report itself (and I have plenty myself) it is striking that acres of print were devoted to the impacts of these social trends on girls, their self-esteem and body image; their developing sexuality; their safety and security. Barely a word was spoken about boys, beyond fears that they are being turned into beasts.

Again and again the message came out: girls have problems. Boys are problems. And yet does anyone doubt that there should be concerns about how easy access to porn impacts upon boys' sexual development, their self-esteem, their body image or performance anxieties? It's not as if young men bask in perfect mental health and happiness – young men commit suicide at nearly four times the rate of young women, and sex and relationships rank high on their list of concerns.

At the other end of the age range, sexually active older women are now widely eroticised (albeit often with a rather misogynistic undertone) as "cougars" or (forgive me) "Milfs" while their male equivalents are disparaged as dirty old men. Observer columnist Viv Groskop recently went further, opining about any older man who has sex outside marriage, even the mild-mannered old janitor John Major, saying "Unfortunately it's not against the law to be an old lecher. Maybe it should be. Or at the very least you shouldn't be rewarded with the highest office in the land."

Perhaps the greatest concern for men and women alike should be the way male sexuality and sexual expressiveness balances on a narrow tightrope of acceptability. One step off the wire and you tumble into the realm of perversion. As feminist blogger Clarisse Thorn noted last year, any man who hits on a woman and gets it wrong risks being branded a "creep" – sometimes deservedly so, of course, but often for no greater sin than being insufficiently attractive or socially skilled, or having misread a perceived signal of invitation. I've never heard of a woman being stigmatised or disparaged for expressing an attraction to big men, rough men, geeky men or whatever. A man who expresses similar desires for women who don't conform to standard norms of beauty is a perv, a fetishist, a weirdo.

All of these prejudices are rehearsed and reiterated by men and women alike, they reside in the intangible web of social norms, conventions and culture, but they can and must be challenged and changed. If we can begin to openly and joyously celebrate the positives to male sexuality, it might become easier for men to be happy and confident sexual partners, and in turn become better lovers, and sometimes better people.

Male sexuality is no less diverse, complex and wonderful than women's or, for that matter, no more base, coarse and animalistic. Sure, most men might be slightly more likely to let our gaze linger on eye-catching curves, and slightly less likely to giggle about our lovers' proclivities with our friends, but in the grand picture women and men are surprisingly similar, in this respect as in so many others. Women have been entirely justified in asking that we blokes respect their rights, autonomy and wishes, that we respect them as sexual beings. It shouldn't be too much to ask for a little of the same in return.


Thursday, July 14, 2011

Student caught homeschooling instead of at a real school

A woman arrested in April for raping a 12-year-old boy was arrested once again today after she threatened her sister with a handgun.
Melanie Maya Freeman, 19, is charged with aggravated assault with a deadly weapon, intimidation of a witness, and resisting or obstructing a police officer. Freeman was transported to the Dona Ana County Detention Center with a cash-only bond set at $20,000.

Shortly after 10 a.m. on Thursday, June 30, Las Cruces Police were called to 1900 Avenida de Mesilla where Freeman's sister lives. Police learned that Freeman had gone to the house and, soon thereafter, got into an argument with her sister.

Police were told that Freeman became verbally aggressive and actually threw an object at her sister. At some point during the argument, Freeman displayed a handgun and threatened her sister with it.

Freeman then fled the residence and left on a motorcycle with her 38-year-old boyfriend. Las Cruces Police officers, with the assistance of the Mesilla Marshall's office, located Freeman at 1500 Burke Road. She initially refused to exit the home but finally did and was placed under arrest. Freeman's boyfriend has not been charged in this incident.

While in a holding cell at the Las Cruces Police Department, Freeman briefly escaped from her handcuffs but officers were able to quickly restrain her.

On April 20, 2011, Freeman was charged with one count each of criminal sexual penetration of a minor and battery on a peace officer. Police learned that the victim, a 12-year-old boy, was acquainted with Freeman's family. At the time, Freeman also had two outstanding municipal warrants for her arrest. During that arrest Freeman struck one of the officers with a raised knee. The officer was not seriously injured.

Original Story
He was supposed to be in school, but instead, a 12-year-old boy was getting a different kind of lesson, in bed, from an older woman. Melanie Freeman, 19, is now in jail, accused of having a sexual relationship with a middle school student.

"It's sick,” a woman who lives nearby said. “It's like going to bed with your school teacher. I just want to go throw up." Disgusted, neighbors said they could not believe what allegedly happened inside a home near Mesilla, behind closed doors.

Freeman is charged with raping a 12-year-old boy, who she allegedly knew through family friends.
Officers went to serve the woman with two outstanding municipal warrants Wednesday morning. Police said they never expected what they saw next.
"It was around 9 o'clock, a little after 9, when the officer went to the home and the boy was in the company of this woman,” Dan Trujillo, spokesman for the Las Cruces Police Department, said. “He probably should have been in school."

Officers said they were greeted at the door by a relative who told them Freeman was upstairs. But when they went upstairs, police said, Freeman refused to leave her bedroom. Officers barged in and said they found her in bed with the child. A police statement says they learned she had sex with the boy the night before.

Freeman is being held at the Dona Ana County Detention Center on a $55,000 bond. "It doesn't matter if it's a young boy or young girl, 12-years-old is no age when a child can give consent to sex."
Freeman is also charged with battery. She allegedly kneed an officer as she was escorted to a patrol car.


Tuesday, July 12, 2011

Teacher caught sexting student

A teacher Heather Jackson, 37, was arrested Tuesday and charged with having an improper relationship with a 16-year-old student at Boswell High School after his parents filed a complaint this month, the Fort Worth Star-Telegram reports.

She's accused of trying to solicit the boy online and sending him inappropriate text messages by phone and Facebook. Her attorney called the allegations unfounded.

The teen told police that he tried to end the relationship when the messages became more sexual in nature. He said Jackson then sent him a letter threatening to sue him if he didn't erase the messages from his phone and Facebook. Jackson is alleged to have bombarded the 16-year-old with hundreds of text messages and also contacted him on Facebook in an attempt to lure him into bed.

The 37-year-old is said to have made the boy sit at the front of her class so that she could 'excite' him when she bent over.

Jackson also suggested they devise their own code so that they could send each other flirty messages without anyone else knowing. According to an arrest affidavit one message read: 'U R so sexy.'
In another message Jackson wrote: 'I know u want to wait until summer, but I don't.'

The teen told police he was called into Jackson's classroom where she showed him a letter she claimed to be from her attorney. While Jackson watched, the teenager deleted all the messages from his phone and Facebook account.

Once they had all been deleted Jackson ripped up the letter.
But authorities at Eagle Mountain-Saginaw school found a hard copy of the letter on a school computer.
Jackson,who served 15 years in the army before turning to teaching, was charged with conducting an improper relationship between a teacher and a child. According to the arrest warrant, Jackson first sent the boy messages via Facebook and pressured him into providing his cell phone number.
Jackson then allegedly used it to send the student text messages. The affidavit also states that the student told Jackson he felt 'weird' about their relationship and that they should wait until the end of the school year to talk.
Jackson initially agreed but then texted, 'I know u want to wait until summer but I don't.'

Monday, July 11, 2011

Cheerleader cheering for the minor team

Another weird, creepy news of a married elementary school teacher who took advantage of a young boy.

Gina Leigh Sabin, 41, a former fifth-grade teacher pleaded guilty yesterday after she gave oral sex to a young boy in Georgia.  Bartow County Sheriff's Office investigators had alleged Sabin twice performed oral sex on the minor in June 2009, but school officials have said the acts did not take place on school grounds.

Mrs Sabin was married to Paul Sabin, a school principal at Woodland High where she coached cheer leading. Mrs Sabin, who taught gifted children at Cloverleaf Elementary School, pleaded guilty to two counts of felony sexual battery after negotiating a deal with prosecutors. The original charge had been two counts of aggravated child molestation.
Superior Court Judge Carey Nelson sentenced her to five years but, as part of the deal, she is allowed to serve them on probation.

Superior Court Judge Carey Nelson sentenced Sabin to 5 years, but she is allowed to serve the time on probation. Sabin also was ordered to pay a $1,000 fine.

The mother of two daughters was also ordered to pay a $1000 fine.
She must also surrender her teaching certificate.
Mrs Sabin must abide by the sex offender conditions but the regular requirements were amended.  At press time, the courts office has not yet revealed details of how. The school has said the acts did not happen on the school grounds.


Sunday, July 10, 2011

Dungeons and dragons

Two girls, ages 15 and 10, had come forward in August 2010 to allege they had been sexually molested by a relative. The case is among dozens of alleged child sexual assaults investigated by Luzerne County authorities each year. But it soon became apparent this investigation would be anything but routine.

As they looked into the case, county detectives learned that a teenage boy was living at the Plymouth home of the girls’ alleged assailant, Robert Caravella, 52, and his wife, Carol Ann Hann, 43. On Aug. 19, 2010, a Plymouth police officer and caseworker from Children and Youth Services entered the Gould Street home and found it to be filled with garbage, rotting foot and urine-soaked towels on the bathroom floor, according to court records.

They also discovered a filthy, scared and socially withdrawn 13-year-old boy who, they would later learn, lacked even the most basic social skills. He didn’t know how to bathe himself or brush his teeth and ate with his hands because he didn’t know how to use a knife and fork. The already disturbing case took an even more sinister turn in January 2011 when the boy, who was then in the custody of a relative, confided to a counselor that he had allegedly endured years of sexual abuse committed by Hann and Caravella, according to police.

He told of how he was repeatedly coerced into having sexual intercourse with Hann during the past few years, with Caravella often watching and directing him what to do. Caravella would also force him to watch pornographic movies with him. The boy did not want to perform the acts, he said, but did so out of fear Hann would scream at him if he refused. He sometimes took out his frustration by killing some of the many stray cats Hann took in, police said.

Monday, July 4, 2011

Happy Fourth Of July

May you and your friends and family, have a joyous and wonderful holiday.

Happy 4th of July.

Sunday, July 3, 2011

Florida women and sexual relations with young boys pt1

Small list of florida women with sexual relationship with young children or teen age boys. Or not so small list. I had to make it in two parts (or so it seems now after readying the first part).

Sheila Broome Langman, 41, a cheerleading official for the Navarre Youth Sports Association was first arrested in October 2008 for allegedly engaging in sex with a 15-year-old boy. Langman, who was a married mother of two girls, was then charged with lewd and lascivious battery. In February 2009 Langman was found to be near her victim’s residence by an alert from the GPS device. Deputies were dispatched and found Langman with the 15-year-old boy in her vehicle. As a consequence, Langman was arrested and charged with violating the terms of her release, interference with child custody and contributing to the delinquency of a minor. Langman was booked into custody at the Santa Rosa County Jail without bond.

Donna Lea Smith, born 03/30/1956,  was convicted by a jury of engaging in sex with her 12-year-old adopted son. Almost immediately after adopting a 12-year-old boy, Donna Smith began having sex with the child. The criminal conduct came to light as a result of sessions with the child’s counselor.
Mrs Smith was sentenced in May 2009 when former Park Vista High School teacher got more than 6 1/2 years in prison following her conviction in February on charges of sexual battery on a child and and lewd and lascivious molestation of a child. She must also serve 10 years of sex-offender probation upon her release, Circuit Judge Jeffrey Colbath ruled.

Stacey Lynn Sheldon, born 03/28/1977, was arrested in September 2008 by Orange County Sheriff’s deputies for allegedly engaging in sex with a 16-year-old boy.
The victim’s sister found Sheldon’s cell phone with pictures of Sheldon having sex with the boy after Sheldon accidently left it at the boys home last September.
The boy later told authorities that they had met the previous July and had engaged in sex acts several times before getting caught. [Read more ...]

Cynthia Horvath, teacher at Warner Christian Academy, in South Daytona, Florida, who was arrested for allegedly engaging in sex with a male student in 2008, faced charges of unlawful sexual activity with a minor.  She has pleaded no contest to unlawful sex with a minor.Horvath was sentenced to one year of community control, which equates to house arrest, to be followed by seven years of probation and she  will reportedly be required to register as a sex offender for life.
Police claim that Horvath was having sex with her student in her car, in a Wal-Mart parking lot, under a bridge, in hotels in Daytona Beach and all over Volusia County.

Genny Lynne Simmons,  Florida  woman who was arrested 2005 pleaded no contest in 2009  to six counts of attempted capital sexual battery on a victim less than 12 years old and promoting a sexual performance by a child, a second-degree felony, for abuse that occurred between Feb. 15, 2004, and July 31, 2004. According to court documents Genny Simmons performed sex acts on 5-year-old boy while her ormer live-in boyfriend, James Bernard McClenithan, 47, recorded it with videocamera. After molesting the boy, Simmons told the boy what to do to the man while she taped it. Collier Circuit Judge Frank Baker sentenced Simmons to two consecutive terms of 30 years in a state prisonon two of the capital charges, with a consecutive term for another capital charge, making a total of 70 years in state prison. He imposed concurrent 30-year terms for the remaining capital offenses, and a concurrent 15-year sentence for the second-degree felony involving the video.

Christy Lynn Martin, who worked as a teacher at Azalea Middle School in St. Petersburg, Florida, was arrested in March 2009  for allegedly having a sexual relationship with a 14-year-old boy and sending pornography to the victim. In February 2010 Martin pleaded guilty to transmitting pornographic images through an electronic device and transmitting material harmful to a minor.
She was sentenced to five years probation and in addition to her probation, Martin will have to register as a sex offender, wear an electronic monitor and go through a sex offender treatment program.

Katrina Renee Jackson, a florida mother of two who used to work as a language arts teacher at Douglas Anderson School of the Arts, was arrested in April 2009 for alleged ongoing unlawful sexual relationship with one of her male students. The investigation began when the victim’s mother came to the police telling that her son had admitted to having a sexual relationship with his English teacher.
On 10/19/2009 Mrs Jackson pleaded no contest to one count of unlawful intercourse with a minor and on 11/19/2009, Judge Charles W. Arnold sentenced Jackson to 18 months in state prison and ordered her to register as a sex offender.

Lisa Robyn Marinelli, 40, a substitute teacher at Mitchell High School in New Port Richey, Florida was arrested and charged with unlawful sex with a minor in March 2008. She pleaded guilty to unlawful sex with a minor in April 2009.
In a deal between defense and prosecution, both sides agreed to a stringent probationary sentence that includes a year of house arrest, four years of sex offender probation and no contact with children under 18 without supervision.
In addition, Marinelli will have to register as a sex offender, undergo testing for sexually transmitted diseases and complete sex offender treatment.

Jennifer Collier, 34-year-old science teacher at James Weldon Johnson Middle School, was arrested in April 2009 for allegedly engaging in sex with a 14-year-old boy. Collier had sex with the boy at Walmart parking lot after agreeing to take him home following a school field trip. Collier performed sex acts on boy before having vaginal sex with him. According to boy, he had several sexual encounters with his female teacher on and off school grounds.
Collier pleaded guilty to a charge of lewd or lascivious battery on November 2th, 2009. n exchange for the guilty plea, prosecutors dismissed the remaining charges. Collier was sentenced to three years in prison to be followed by three years of sex offender probation and she must surrender her teacher’s certificate.

Janet Lea Florence aka Janet Hughes was arrested in August 2007 and charged with one count of sexual battery on a child and attempted sexual battery after police caught her just partially clothed in a van in a church parking lot with the 16-year-old male student. According to documents two were found lying on a blanket in the back of the van and “about to engage in a sexual activity”.In May 2009 Janet Hughes pleaded guilty to engaging in sex with a 16-year-old boy in accordance with an agreement with the prosecution and she will be sentenced to prison for a term of from one to six years and a lifetime of being labeled as a sexual predator.Florence would have faced up to 45 years in prison if she had been convicted at trial on one count each of sexual battery and attempted sexual battery on a child.
Janet Lea Florence aka Janet Hughes was arrested in August 2007 and charged with one count of sexual battery on a child and attempted sexual battery after police caught her just partially clothed in a van in a church parking lot with the 16-year-old male student. According to documents two were found lying on a blanket in the back of the van and “about to engage in a sexual activity”.

In May 2009 Janet Hughes pleaded guilty to engaging in sex with a 16-year-old boy in accordance with an agreement with the prosecution and she will be sentenced to prison for a term of from one to six years and a lifetime of being labeled as a sexual predator.

View the original article here


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