Thursday, January 31, 2013

Why Younger Men Love Older Women


For the single ladies, comfort lies in the thought that there are plenty of fish in the sea, but it seems that more and more men are now bringing cougars into the territory. The long-lasting trend in Hollywood romance has been a significant age difference with women on the more “experienced” side. Here are three possible reasons why the fellas tend to love above their age limit.

1. Older Women Are Great At Babying
The radio disc jockey and entertainment CEO Nick Cannon can vouch for that. After appearing on ABC’s Good Morning America this past week to discuss his rare form of lupus, he called his wife Mariah Carey his doctor. “She made me an egg-white sandwich before I left the house this morning,” he said. “Those are the things I have to be eating now, no more bacon. She takes care of me, makes sure I’m eating what I’m supposed to be.”

The America’s Got Talent host makes sure to keep the happy meals away as long as his happy wife is around. Although fairly odd couple boasts an 11-year age difference (Cannon, 31 and Carey, 42), their almost four-year romance has remained strong, even baring the high-pitched singer her first children, twins Monroe and Moroccan. Cannon even admitted to Oprah in 2008 that he grew up crushing on Carey and begged for a chance right before the pair tatted each other’s names on their bodies. Regardless of his hectic schedule and her diva glam lifestyle, she still finds time to be the household wife, keeping Cannon from firing away from her any time soon.



2. Older Women Don’t Make Break-Ups Awkward

Before wifin’ up Jessica Biel, Justin Timberlake brought Cameron Diaz’s sexy back in early 2003, when they began dating for four years on-and-off. At the time of their split, Diaz was 34 and Timberlake was 25, nearly a decade’s difference. But it wasn’t the fact that the former N-SYNC’er pined for her as a teen that brought his big boy dreams to life. It was their shared sense of quirky humor and love for adventure and surfing that kept their bond locked for a good while.”It’s not like this is the first time in the history of human relationships that people were drawn to one another because of who they are, not what age they are,” Diaz told W Magazine in 2004.

Nearly four years later, they were able to enjoy on-screen sex scenes together post-breakup on the set of the film Bad Teacher, but there was no awkward tension to complain about. “No, it’s great. Justin and I have always had a good laugh together, and to make a movie where we get to have a laugh together, and there really was no one else who was more perfect for this part,” Diaz told Us Magazine, even gushing that he was a comedic genius. Guys can appreciate a woman who won’t write emo love songs Taylor Swift-style once the tie is cut, especially one who can work with their younger exes like a professional in the most intense situations.

3. Older Women Rarely Slow Down
Even if 53-year-old Madonna has been divorced twice and has a 15-year-old daughter, she can still sing and dance the pants off some of today’s young female artists. I’m sure her 24-year-old boyfriend can agree.

Brahim Zaibat is the dapper French dancer who has cuffed Madge since 2010. She told ABC’s20/20 in January, “I didn’t, like, write down on a piece of paper ‘I’m now going to have a relationship with a younger man.’ That’s just what happened. You see, that’s the romantic in me. I just met someone that I cared for, and this happened to be his age.” With her new albumM.D.N.A. set to release later this year, it’s no wonder Zaibat has reportedly already gotten down on one knee to wed the pop icon. She also said that he “feels a connection with my children and respects the idea that they have to be a role model as well.” Even if Madonna’s age shows no signs of stopping her from doing what and who she wants, Zaibat understands the expectations that come with being with a high-profile celebrity and is probably enjoying the ride. Let’s just hope he’s not a material boy.

Friday, January 25, 2013

Young Women Keep Making tease Videos, and Guys Keep Sharing Them


From the sad and infamous “Am I Ugly” tween YouTube trend to webcam striptease videos, young women today are more visually vulnerable than ever before. While for decades teen girls have been pressured to live up to an unattainable standard of beauty, that obligation to show off and look good has never been so constant. Technology is invading the traditional refuge of the bedroom, turning what was once an entirely private space into a makeshift production studio.
For far too many young women today, the ubiquity of social media both allows and compels them to be always “on,” performing for a real or imagined audience they have rapidly decreasing opportunity to escape. A 2009 (pre-iPad-era) survey found that an astonishing 71% of teens used webcams in their bedrooms. It’s impossible to know how many teens use those webcams for “Skype sex” or to create “private” videos for partners. Several sex educators with whom I spoke suggested that the sexting panic of a few years ago seems to have been at least partly supplanted by a trend towards “striptease videos,” usually made by young women at the behest of boyfriends or other guys whom they’re trying to impress. Psychotherapist Kerry Cohen, author of Dirty Little Secrets: Breaking the Silence on Teenage Girls and Promiscuity told me she’s spoken with many teens who’ve sent nude photos (or, increasingly, naked videos) to guys who then shared them widely. The cost is predictably devastating. Where once high school rumors were used to shame girls, Cohen describes the pictures or video clips as “irrefutable proof of ‘sluthood.’ You can’t deny the image is yours; the shame is so much greater as a result.”

It’s worth noting how new this phenomenon really is. It’s been barely 15 years since the first celebrity sex tape featuring Pamela Anderson and Tommy Lee became an Internet sensation. As tame as it seems now, that notorious video transformed how people thought about pornography and their own capacity to produce erotic imagery. Porn wasn’t just something you watched or read; it was now something anyone could create. Critically, for many guys, it was now something they could encourage young women to make for them.

Cohen — and many of my students in the Navigating Pornography class I’m teaching this semester — told me story after story of how young men relentlessly urge young women to send them photos or striptease videos. (My students point out that the moves in these videos are invariably derivative and identical, just as are the pouts and poses in the still photographs.) Though research shows that the number of young people who actually send naked photos or videos may be surprisingly small, Cohen and others suggest that a far higher number of girls are pressured to do so. That coercion, whether it’s successfully resisted or not, is more of the problem than the sexy images themselves. “Back in the day,” one student of mine said, “a guy could only bug you to do something with him if you were physically together. Now he can nag you into doing something sexual that you’ll regret — while he’s on the other side of town and you’re alone in your bedroom.”

Why would young men who have a universe of explicit porn at their disposal pressure young women into sending them photos or videos that are tame by comparison? Predictably, the answer has as much to do with power as arousal. In explaining this, sex educator Charlie Glickman cites the John Hughes’ classic Sixteen Candles, in which a young Anthony Michael Hall begs Molly Ringwald to give him her panties, which will serve as proof of his sexual prowess to his disbelieving friends. “Getting a young woman to make you a video or send you a naked pic is the same thing,” Glickman suggests. A “sexted” picture isn’t just porn, it’s porn that its recipient will be the first (but probably not the only) guy to possess. That’s why boys usually share what they’re sent, invariably violating a promise to keep the images private. The photo or the video is an irresistible “talisman of manhood,” Glickman says. “It’s about proving to other guys that you were able to get a girl to overcome her inhibitions.”

What’s then the motive for the young women who create and send these images? Educator Jamye Waxman mentioned in an email that this is less about actual turn-on than “the validation of getting seen as sexy.” Like Cohen, Waxman draws a distinction between teen girls’ craving for affirmation and (often just slightly) older women’s enthusiastic embrace of Skype and similar platforms as tools for getting off with a partner. One of my students, married to a soldier in Afghanistan, told the class of the marriage-strengthening properties of webcam sex during her husband’s long deployment. As both Cohen and Waxman suggested, that’s worlds away from the experience of many (if not most) teen girls who “just want to be affirmed as hot.”

In that light, these webcam “strip videos” serve the same function as the heartbreaking “Am I ugly?” clips. Sure, some may in fact be about nothing more than sexual urges — but they can also be about girls’ hunger for approval. That hunger isn’t new, but the expectation that girls can and should seek out that approval 24/7 is. In an interview, HLN anchor Richelle Carey, an outspoken advocate for teens and a board member for Girls Scouts of Greater Atlanta, connected the proliferation of these two types of self-exploiting videos to “an atmosphere where girls feel they have to perform all the time. The model isn’t scripted TV but reality television, where the cameras never turn off.” Reality TV stars are perfect role models for teens, who see endless (if risky) opportunities to perform for attention themselves. Technology allows even very young girls to shoot, edit and upload the record of those performances for all to see.

Because these girls are playing at something inauthentic — acting sexy without feeling sexual, like the paradigmatic reality star, Paris Hilton — the anxiety to know that they’re “doing it right” means, Carey says, that they’re “always second-guessing themselves.” Whether they’re asking “Am I ugly?” or doing cringe-inducing stripteases to hip-hop soundtracks, increasing numbers of young women are creating and sharing visual records of their struggles with that self-doubt.

The pearl-clutching about sexting is over-the-top, but it’s almost impossible to exaggerate the very real impact that media images of perfection — and of reality stars who never take a break from being “on” — have on young women’s lives. And while the technology that allows the modern teenage bedroom to be instantly connected to the outside world can create comfort and community for lonely young people, that same technology ratchets up the pressure to perform for others in what were once safe and private spaces. What we’re left to reckon with is the painfully public and frighteningly permanent record of those performances.

Thursday, January 24, 2013

5 Shocking Sex Scandals of 2011 and their impact on our political and social world


The recent years had its share of shocking sex scandals, from the political and international high-powered to the hallowed halls of higher learning and sports. The media frenzy was widespread and some cases are still unfolding as I type.

Representative Anthony Weiner (D) was involved in one such scandal that kept the media thoroughly enthralled for weeks. It all came to a head (no pun intended) on Memorial Day weekend when the six-time Congressman for the 9th District in Brooklyn/Queens, New York, had to step down amid a cloud of shame for lying about a tweeted pic of his underwear-clad crotch to a young college student.

At first the married Weiner denied sending the semi-x-rated photo but his lies caught up with him and snowballed into more women accusing him of “indecent exposure” in online correspondence. Suffice it to say the fiery representative, who was famous for giving “hell” on the House floor, torpedoed his promising career and had to resign in disgrace.

To add insult to injury, his beautiful, smart wife Huma Abedin, who worked for Secretary of State Clinton, was pregnant. I’m sure he wished he could disappear at that point, but things are now looking up, for according to the NY Daily News, the disgraced Ex-Rep Anthony Weiner became a Dad last Wednesday, when his wife gave birth to a healthy 7-pound-plus baby.

Dominique Strauss-Khan, then the head of the International Monetary Fund, was arrested in New York on May 14 for allegedly raping a maid at the Sofitel hotel. He was never formally charged and was released after the District Attorney claimed the alleged victim, 32-year-old Nafissatou Diallo, had lost credibility. She has since filed a civil lawsuit against the now ex-moneyman.

Another case in France against Strauss-Khan, where writer Tristane Banon accused him of sexually assaulting her in 2003 when she was 21, was also dropped because of the statute of limitation.

Two claims of sexual assault and Strauss-Khan is still walking around a free man. He has since resigned from the IMF and his promising political career — where he was the reported favorite to run against France’s current President Sarkozy — derailed, at least temporarily.

Republican candidate Herman Cain sure stirred up the presidential race with his “bold” 9-9-9 plan, his controversial comments on African Americans being brainwashed and his “if you’re poor and out of a job, it’s your fault,” directed at Wall Street protesters. His sex scandals simply added fuel to an already well-lit fire.

Five women accused him of sexual harassment, sexual assault and one spilled the beans on an alleged 13 year affair. Two of his accusers were paid settlements but candidate Cain called it an “agreement.” He has denied the accusations and exited the stage, still maintaining his innocence of all the “charges,” despite three of the women’s public “finger-pointing.” One, Ms. Bialek, even held her own press conference with her high-powered lawyer Gloria Allred at her side.

Syracuse basketball coach Bernie Fine was accused of child sexual abuse by two brothers, Bobby Davis and Mike Lang and was fired by the university on November 27. Davis alleged he had a long relationship with Fine which started when he was about 10 years old and was a ball boy for the university. The scandal got even stranger when he admitted to also living with the Fines for a while and having a sexual relationship with Fine’s wife when he was 18.

Davis claimed Laurie Fine knew of the sexual abuse by her husband and he produced audio tape to prove it. He reported the abuse to authorities back in 2003 and also spoke to ESPN but nothing was done. Syracuse police have since said there was no evidence to prosecute at the time. As for ESPN, their excuse was they couldn’t find anyone to corroborate Davis’s story.

Syracuse University also didn’t pursue the case vigorously after the now 39-year-old Davis told them of the alleged abuse in 2005, for they claimed there was “insufficient evidence.” His step-brother, Mike Lang, also accused Fine of molesting him when he was around 10 years old.

Syracuse police will reportedly not charge Fine with a crime for the statute of limitation prevents them from prosecuting.

Jerry Sandusky, former assistant coach at Penn State, must have been the most shocking sex scandal of 2011. Arrested Saturday November 5 and charged with over 40 counts of child sexual abuse for allegedly molesting 8 boys over 15 years, he is now under house arrest awaiting trial.

The house arrest came after a second arrest for additional charges when two more alleged victims came forward with new accusations of molestation. There was huge fallout from these decades long cover-up of alleged abuse — dating back to 1994 when he was active at his charity for at-risk kids called Second Mile.

Heads in high places rolled after this scandal broke for Penn State allegedly had knowledge of the abuse and did nothing about it. Veteran Coach Joe Paterno was fired and Penn State’s president was also given the axe. President of Second Mile has also resigned. Assistant coach Mike McQueary, who said he saw Sandusky with a boy in the shower doing “something sexual,” is on administrative leave and a key witness for the prosecution.

The 67-year-old Sandusky who is awaiting trial out on $250,000 bail, recently waived his rights to a pre-trial and is now under house arrest with unsupervised contact with children prohibited.

Political scandals have become commonplace, but Weiner’s changed the landscape for a Republican candidate won his seat–a seat that had remained in the Democrats’ camp for almost 100 years.

Strauss-Khan’s rape allegations showed power pitted against blue-collar and many saw this as a “David-Goliath” match. Unfortunately, the biblical story had the underdog coming out on top but Diallo lost. Power seemed to win out in this case, making ‘he said, she said’ even more difficult to prosecute when ‘he said’ comes from the ‘nicer side of the tracks.’

Sandusky and Fine’s decades-long alleged sexual abuse of children spoke to our society dropping the ball–ignoring the cries of children over the omnipotence of college sports. Educators failed to act in a shocking display of nonchalance that is reprehensible. Big money, prestige, and power took precedent over finding out the truth and protecting innocent children.

The law needs to be looked at seriously, for there should not be a statute of limitation on child sexual abuse prosecution. Children are already terrified by the violation of trust, the violation of their innocence, so to punish them further because that fear and in many cases, shame, kept them from coming forward is grossly unjust. Coach Fine needs to have his day in court — the two alleged victim need to have their story heard.

Click below for more info on the scandals:

http://www.allvoices.com/contributed-news/10904045-breaking-another-college-coach-accused-of-child-sex-abuse-this-time-its-syracuses-bernie-fine

http://www.allvoices.com/contributed-news/10968050-breaking-new-twist-in-syracuse-sex-scandal-audio-reveals-coach-fines-wife-knew-of-the-abuse-and-also-had-sex-with-victim

http://www.allvoices.com/contributed-news/10962401-penn-state-sex-abuse-latest-accuser-allegedly-sandusky-5-yr-old-grandson

http://www.allvoices.com/contributed-news/11016138-video-sandusky-speaks-im-not-attracted-to-only-boys-also-girlsi-enjoy-young-people

Wednesday, January 23, 2013

Mommy Porn - Analyzing the Fifty Shades of Grey


Fifty Shades of Grey–an e-book by an unknown female author with no marketing ended up on the Best-Selling Books list. Grey’s two sequels, Fifty Shades Darker and Fifty Shades Free, have also climbed into the Top 20. And panic is gripping the nation, because these books, which are being enjoyed by The Ladies, are about The Sex.

In the past few weeks, several news pieces have addressed the issue of women getting off on these books and what that means. “Will Fifty Shades Of Grey Make ‘Mommy Porn’ The Next Big Thing?” asks Forbes. “Fifty Shades of Grey has America’s national thong in a twist,” declares USA Today, adding, “However you categorize it–mommy porn, erotic fiction, Twilight fan fiction gone rogue, a symbol of moral decay–British writer E.L. James’ NC-17 bondage trilogy has gone from e-book cult favorite to publishing phenomenon.” “Everyone from so-called “mommy bloggers” to hardcore feminists is hailing the tome as a triumph for women, in spite of the book’s strong themes of female submission at the hands of a high-powered man,” says FoxNews.com. The article also goes on to use the now-inescapable phrase “mommy porn.”

Captain Obvious would point out that there is no such thing as “daddy porn,” presumably because dads remain men, even after procreating. Once they give birth, women apparently morph into “mommies,” neutered creatures who may be venerated but don’t need to be taken seriously. Hence their easily-dismissed “mommy blogs” and now their “mommy porn.”

The phrase, even more than the phenomenon of married ladies reading smut on their Kindles, raises all sorts of interesting questions about how women’s sexuality is viewed by society at large. By modifying the highly-charged word “porn,” are we diminishing its power because we remain deeply uncomfortable with the idea of even adult, married women having erotic needs? According to the breathless news coverage, the answer seems to be, “Kind of, yeah!”

There is a long and storied history of women reading to build up, and blow off, steam. I first learned that “romance” was merely a polite literary euphemism for “porn” when, on a sleepover in sixth grade, a friend showed me her secret stash of paperback Harlequins, over which we stayed up for hours, wide-eyed and red-faced. In seventh grade, I found out that “historical fiction” could be another, more high-brow mask for “porn” when I stumbled on Jean M. Auel’s Earth Children series. (Plot synopsis: pre-historic hottie Ayla, raised among Neanderthals, meets sensitive Cromagnon Jondalar. Pausing only to invent throwing spears, awls, and probably an early version of the iPad, Ayla hanky-panks with Jonadalar across early Europe.) Auel’s books have sold over 45 million copies worldwide. Harlequin is one of the most profitable publishing companies anywhere; according to the New York Times, they make hundreds of millions of dollars in sales every year.

That sex sells, even to women, should not, in 2012, come as a surprise. Yet something about this publishing phenomenon seems to have gotten under our culture’s skin. What’s different about Fifty Shades of Grey? It’s kinky.

The sex in Harlequin romances tends to be extremely tame. The rugged, beefy, All-American men bursting out of their shirts on the covers of the paperbacks telegraph to the reader all she or he needs to know about what’s going to happen in the bedroom (or on the grass, or aboard the pirate ship): straight-up, classical seduction. Jondalar, who is, coincidentally, described to look like a dead-ringer for Fabio, never expresses a desire more risqué than giving Ayla pleasure. Even Sex and the City, which expanded our society’s understanding of women’s ability to both enjoy, and speak freely, about sex, portrayed women who were pretty traditional in terms of what turned them on. No main character had a hidden fetish or a desire to dominate or be dominated. In Grey, a young woman signs a contract giving an older man control over her life. The readers in Grey’s universe are not in the Kansas of Harlequin novels anymore, or even the sanitized New York City of SATC; they’ve crossed over into the darker, edgier world of the 2002 indie/cult-favorite Secretary. Except that, for the first time, their support has helped something marginal cross over into the mainstream.

Grey’s success has communicated to the news media that some women’s taste runs to BDSM and power play–enough women, in fact, to get the attention of the Gray Lady herself. To some degree, this is old news. Buffy the Vampire Slayer and Twilight, both bona fide phenomena, spawned reams of fan fiction by drawing on similar themes (especially Buffy’s Season 6, which you can hardly watch without overheating); the original draft of Grey was, in fact, Twilight fan fiction. The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo series leans heavily on explicit sex scenes that are anything but square. And for power play, it’s hard to beat the unorthodox use of cigars in the Starr Report, now fifteen years old. Ultimately, the BDSM buzz around Grey seems like a red herring. What shocks the media is not that women are paying to read about a naïve college student submitting to a relative stranger; it’s that women–even adult, married women with children–are jonesing to read about sex at all.

As a society, we tend to ignore Harlequin’s massive success, or treat it as some kind of anomaly; and we seem more comfortable with the long-running joke that Porn for Women is men doing housework than the idea that women also like their raunch, including material that’s less-vanilla and more Karamel Sutra. Porn is porn! Lots of people consume it and, as with sexism, we know it when we see it. Most importantly, moms don’t hang up their gonads after their kids are born; they remain sexual beings. Ye gods! Where do you think babies continue to come from? If you really don’t know, I have a book or two I could recommend.

Sunday, January 13, 2013

Nice looking lady teacher… too bad she already has someone


Julie Moore, 34-year-old third-grade teacher at Sanborn Elementary School in Amarillo, Texas, has been accused of engaging in sex with a 15-year-old boy.

Moore allegedly invited a teenage boy to her car and had sex with him during halftime of an Amarillo High School football game. Moore had asked the boy during the game at Dick Bivins Stadium if he wanted to “see something she had in her car,” according to the complaint. The boy followed her to the vehicle, where she told him to look in the console, the complaint said. There, he saw a box of condoms.

Texas Rangers along with the Texas Department of Public Safety launched the investigation after a Trooper said he saw Julie Ann Moore and a 15-year-old boy act suspicious and walk off together during a football game. The investigation revealed Moore allegedly sent sexually explicit text messages to a 15-year-old boy more than 100 times. Additionally, she is accused of having a sexual relationship with the boy and two other Amarillo High School students.

Several electronic devices were seized as part of the investigation. One of the boys provided an audio recorded statement. In the statement, he detailed his sexual relationship with Moore. The boy said he received about 100 text messages from Moore with about half of them being “extremely sexually explicit,” according to the affidavit.

Additionally, the boy told investigators he suspected Moore of having sexual intercourse with one of his 15-year-old friends.

Tuesday, January 8, 2013

Cougar celebrities and their younger men

FORGET sex kittens — "cougars" are taking the world of dating by storm.

The term was coined in America and refers to women who look to date men at least eight years their junior.
Although Demi Moore is often referred to as the original cougar, she's just one of a whole host of female stars who have bagged themselves a toyboy.
TOWIE star Lauren Pope is the latest celeb to get tongues wagging after she was spotted leaving a star-studded bash with Tom Daley – 11 years her junior.
Lauren Pope and Tom Daley
Holding hands ... Lauren Pope and Tom Daley
Mobis Photos / OIC
The 29-year-old model and 18-year-old Olympic diving star held hands as they exited Black Eyed Peas star Will.i.am's party at posh One Marylebone in central London on Sunday night.
And it seems Lauren was hoping to head off home for a naughty game of cards with the Olympic medallist.
She took to Twitter during the night to write: "Strip poker anyone??"
But there are many more famous cougar relationships — some of which have hit the rocks, while others are still going strong...

Caroline Flack and Harry Styles

Caroline Flack and Harry Styles
The older woman ... Caroline Flack, 32, dated teen pop star Harry Styles
Age gap: 14 years
Status: Gone in 2 Directions
History: The 32-year-old Xtra Factor presenter and 18-year-old One Direction heart-throb dated for three months at the start of this year.
The TV host, once linked to Prince Harry, was subjected to online abuse from the band's fans over the couple's relationship.
She tweeted at the time: "I'm close friends with Harry. He's one of the nicest people I know. I don't deserve death threats."
Harry has been dating US singer Taylor Swift, 23, since the start of December.

Madonna and Brahim Zaibat

Madonna and Brahim Zaibat
Toyboy fan ... Madonna on stage with Brahim Zaibat
Age gap: 30 years
Status: Still going strong
History: Madge, 54, has been dating the 24-year-old French dancer for over two years.
And she's not been shy about showing her fans how much she likes him – indulging in a raunchy on-stage kiss with him in her latest live show.
It is not the first time The Material Girl singer has had a younger lover — she dated 25-year-old model Jesus Luz for two years after splitting from hubbie Guy Ritchie, also younger, in 2008.
After their split in 2010 a pal said: "The problem is as simple as it is obvious — it's the age difference.
"How long could it last? How it even lasted a year seems a miracle to a lot of people."

Demi Moore and Ashton Kutcher

Demi Moore and Ashton Kutcher
Love split ... Demi Moore and Ashton Kutcher
Age gap: 16 years
Status: Split
History: Hollywood stars Demi, 50, and Ashton, 34, were married for six years before splitting in November 2011.
The Ghost actress filed for divorce from the Two And A Half Men star following reports he cheated on her with a younger woman – on their sixth wedding anniversary.
Demi was devastated over the claims, collapsing two months later and doing a stint in rehab.
Ashton is now dating Black Swan star Mila Kunis, 29, who was recently voted Sexiest Woman in the World by US Esquire mag.

Jennifer Lopez and Casper Smart

JLo and Casper Smart
Red hot couple ... JLo with Casper Smart
Age gap: 18 years
Status: Still going strong
History: JLo, 43, met 25-year-old backing dancer Casper Smart after splitting from husband Marc Anthony in 2011.
The Latino singer and mum of twins has revealed she is so loved up she is even thinking of having children with him.
She said: "I haven't closed shop in that department."
Casper has insisted that the age gap is no obstacle to their relationship, saying: "Age, status, opinions of others are irrelevant.
"Ages are mere reminders of the hours logged on this earth and the precious time remaining."

Melanie Sykes and Jack Cockings

Melanie Sykes and Jack Cockings
Loved-up ... Melanie Sykes and her younger man Jack Cockings are engaged after meeting on Twitter
Age gap: 16 years
Status: Engaged
History: TV presenter Mel, 42, met 26-year-old roofer Jack on Twitter – and the pair made the headlines with a string of saucy public messages.
In one of the racy posts Melanie told Jack: "I've got the raging horn, please take me."
The couple got engaged in August after a passionate three-month romance.
Mum-of-two Mel, previously wed to actor Daniel Caltagirone, announced the news on Twitter, saying: "Me & Jack are engaged to be married and we are very giddy xxxx."

Mariah Carey and Nick Cannon

Mariah Carey and Nick Cannon
Ten year gap ... Mariah Carey and Nick Cannon
Age gap: Ten years
Status: Married... twice
History: The Hero singer, 42, only wed her 32-year-old TV presenter fella four years ago – but the lovebirds have already renewed their vows in Paris.
Nick — who has recently battled kidney failure – admitted he continued to be amazed by his marriage to Mariah, with whom he now has nearly one-year-old twins Moroccan and Monroe.
He said: "We get married every year; it's our thing. I just have to keep doing it to make sure it's real!"

Denise Welch and Lincoln Townley

Denise Welch and Lincoln Townley
In love ... Denise Welch and toyboy Lincoln Townley
Age gap: 15 years
Status: Engaged
History: Loose Women star Denise, 54, has been engaged to party planner Lincoln, 39, since he popped the question during a romantic break in Nice, France.
The couple, who met at a party last year, are reportedly set to wed next July.
Former Celebrity Big Brother contestant Denise split from her husband of 24 years, Auf Wiedersehen Pet star Tim Healy, last December.
Denise and Lincoln will tie the knot in front of her two sons, Matthew, 22, and Louis, 11, and his son Lewis, 20.
Geordie Tim and his girlfriend Joan Anderton, 50, are also expected to attend.
A source revealed: "After breaking up from Tim, Denise thought she would never marry again. She never reckoned on falling in love so soon."

Sam Taylor-Wood and Aaron Johnson

Sam Taylor-Wood and Aaron Johnson
Business meets pleasure ... Sam Taylor-Wood and Aaron Johnson met on set
Age gap: 23 years
Status: Newlyweds
History: The filmmaker, 45, and her 22-year-old actor toyboy got hitched in June this year.
The pair — who have children Wylda Rae and Romy Hero together — met on the set of John Lennon biopic Nowhere Boy in 2009 and became engaged the same year.
Aaron has previously defended their relationship against critics who say the 23-year age gap between them is too large.
He said: "I'm in love, I'm blissfully content. No one's getting hurt.
"We're in a loving relationship. We're engaged. Everyone who matters is happy. Exactly which bit of that do I have to defend?"

Susan Sarandon and Jonathan Bricklin

Susan Sarandon and Jonathan Bricklin
Putting a ring on it?... Susan Sarandon and Jonathan Bricklin
Age gap: 30 years
Status: Rumoured to be getting engaged
History: The 66-year-old Oscar winner and her 36-year-old beau are rumoured to be engaged after the pair were allegedly spotted looking at diamond rings last month.
The Thelma & Louise star has been linked to her business partner Bricklin ever since her split from long-time love, actor Tim Robbins in 2009.
Speaking to Katie Couric on her US TV show in October, Susan talked about being labelled as a "cougar", saying she didn't like the term.
She said: "It's like you are the cougar and they are the prey."


Read more: http://www.thesun.co.uk/sol/homepage/features/4704194/Celebrity-cougars.html#ixzz2Gx1HpgCP

Thursday, January 3, 2013

Myths and White women in Africa

The "Sugar Mummy" syndrome in Nigeria does exist, but is hardly acknowledged. Blessing Ukemena writes about the myths in such relationships, with additional reports from YourTango.com.

They are called "Sugar Mummies" in  Nigeria, while they are called "Cougars" in countries like the United States and Britain. The Urban Dictionary states that "Cougars are gaining in popularity, particularly the true hotties, as young men find not only a sexual high, but many times a chick with her acts together".

Some think of a Cougar as a confident, independent, young-spirited woman, who happens to prefer the company of younger men. Being a "Sugar Mummy" is just as bad as being a "Sugar Daddy", even though the Sugar Daddies are more popular, because many young ladies see them as their tickets to a better life. But there is no denying that even in the strict African cultures, young men still date older women for money. Here are some myths about such relationships:

Myth 1: A relationship between an older woman and a younger man isn't viable. He'll cheat on her with someone his age. Look at Mariah Carey and Nick Cannon.

Fact: No one can deny that Nick and Mariah have been together much longer than expected, and although they may have their private issues, to the public, they are the perfect couple. Their twin children are evidence that the young man is enjoying his time with her!

Myth 2: A "Sugar Mummy" is the hunter, who preys on the innocent younger man.
Fact: Who hunts whom? Some guys are naturally drawn to older women like any other physical "type", such as preferring blondes to brunettes. It is discovered that somewhere along the way, those attracted to "Sugar Mummies" have had a prior positive experience with one.

A "Sugar Mummy" exudes self-confidence, which makes her a highly desirable conquest to a younger man. Often, it's the younger man who approaches the older woman in hopes of a purely sexual no-strings-attached relationship. Contrary to popular belief that it is the woman who goes for the younger man.

Myth 3: A younger man won't be able to maintain the interest of an older woman. They have nothing in common; for example, they like different music. He's probably not able to carry on a conversation with her.

Fact: In the beginning, there may be a lot of differences, but with time, they get to appreciate each other so as to make the relationship bearable or enjoyable. He may developed a taste for fine wine, since it's one of her passions, while she can start to listen to more rock music and be in tune with the latest releases. Being open-minded about different tastes and interests is good for any relationship. Age has nothing to do with IQ score. "Sugar Mummies" have been known to stay up late at night chatting with their younger men about the meaning of life.

Myth 4: The younger man will ultimately want children, and will dump the older woman who already has or is too old.
Fact: This is an issue for any couple when one wants a child and the other doesn't. Having children isn't a priority for every man, and if he loves the woman, he may choose her over his need to procreate. He may be in a relationship with an older woman because women his age are listening to the ticking of their biological clocks. In fact, many younger men gravitate to older women who won't pressure them to get married and have children, (so true for many Nigerian men!).

Myth 5: A "Sugar Mummy" won't fit into younger man's social circle or vice versa.

Fact: The couple may experience some negativity, especially in the initial stages of the relationship. Some may personally be subjected to a few snide comments such as: "Is that your son?" or "Dude, does she get a senior citizen rate at the movies?" Like any typical relationship, there will be people who support the couple's choices and those who put it down. The couple should be prepared to deal with everything from admiration to hostility from friends, acquaintances, and family.

Myth 6: A "Sugar Mummy" is going to get old and become unattractive to the younger man, sooner than later.

Fact: The real sugar mummies or Cougars keep physically fit and tend to look much younger than their age. They have a young man in their life who probably has 80 packs on his chest; so why not? Any woman will age over time; probably not as gracefully as a Cougar. She has the financial ability, motivation, and time to eat healthy and exercise. If a man is in a relationship with an older woman, he's usually there because of her personality as much as her looks.

At the end of the day, I will never encourage anyone to date a person that is years older than you. Insecurity is one of the things that actually ignites these relationships. The man may be too lazy to stand by himself financially, or his sexual urges are getting a better part of him. And for the lady; well, I wouldn't know her reason. Life is a choice. So, make yours wisely.

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